Happy Birthday Mom!

My Mom has been an incredible support for me throughout the last 7 weeks. She has been by my side helping me every time I have needed her. She was with me when our world seemed to stop and she has stayed by my side, despite the personal sacrifices that has required. My Mom has an ample supply of strength and wisdom in her that she is always sharing with our family. I am so thankful for the role model and love I have received from her. I am sure my entire family shares my love and respect for her.

And of course, she is here with me today, spending her birthday helping me. It has been tough today because I want to do so much for her on her birthday to show her how much I love and appreciate what she has done for me, but I don't have energy to do anything special... but somehow I know she knows how I feel. Thanks and love Mom!

Rest and Visitors

After a tough weekend, I am recovering one day at a time. Just a little shopping with my Dad this morning (Mom, Showers, and Ray's birthdays are in the next few days), completely tuckered me out. I have had little energy to do much of anything, but am trying to rest and recover. It has made it difficult to remain in His peace. But day by day I am learning that I need to rely on His strength and not mine. Of course, all the visitors have reallly lifted my spirits:

Do Not Be Afraid

After our episode at the hospital yesterday, it has been incredibly difficult to come home. I found myself drenched in fear and sadness. How appropriately, my devotion this morning was:

The Lord came to Abram in a vision, saying, "Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your exceedingly great reward" (Gen 15:1). These words were spoken shortly after Abram had given his nephew Lot the choice of territories. Lot chose what appeared to be the best, Jordan's well-watered plain. Abraham, however, looked to the kingdom of God and His righteousness. Thus, he lost nothing.

Then the Lord appeared and seemed to say, "Your nephew Lot trusted in what he could see. He followed the leaning of his own judgement and chose what seemed best for his immediate advantage. Abram, do not be afraid, you will not lose, for I am your shield and your exceedingly great reward. You have chosen the good part, and it will not be taken from you. Do not worry."

You have seen others suffer losses and afflictions, and it has probably depressed you. Regardless of what happens, do not be alarmed. God is your defense and refuge in the day of your trouble (Ps 59:16). You will be most secure in Him. You may have losses and afflictions, but they will not overwhelm you. You will be kept by God's power. He will deliver you out of every trial and affliction. He will be your shield and your exceedingly great reward.

Thank you for the book Lesley; it has ministered to my heart!

Hospital Visit

Lately I have been so looking forward to the nice hot weather. Except I didn't react to it like I thought I would...

On Thursday they doubled my medication. I was actually feeling not too bad on Thursday and enjoyed visiting with Showers. Then Friday morning I had a headache and was taking it easy. I got rid of the headache in the morning and decided to take a walk with Ray on his lunch break. A combination of the hot weather and walking a little too far left me extremely light headed. I made it back to the house just in time to have Ray call 911. When they arrived my blood pressure had bottomed out. They did an EKG and gave me oxygen. I was extremely close to passing out but I was hanging on for dear life. They strapped me in the ambulance and took me to Grant. I bottomed out again at Grant. They weren't sure why, but suspected it was a combination of the medicine increase and the hot weather.

My husband was incredible and calm during the entire ordeal, but I have to admit that we were extremely scared and had a hard time staying focused. I just kept praying that God would give me strength.

We stayed the night in the hospital and my blood pressure finally came back up. They lowered my dose a little and sent me home this afternoon.

It was a little tough coming home... it seems to bring back all the memories of it happening. We are extremely tired and I'm really not feeling too well either. The doctors said it may take a few days to get back on my feet. It has been a set back, but I know God has a plan and that He is giving us strength to push through our fear and pain. Please remember us in your thoughts and prayers. Our first trip to the hospital was a rough one... not to mention all my neighbors saw me getting drug out of the house by the squad on a cot. The firefighters were great and encouraging, which made a tough situation a little less tough.

Thanks to my family who also encouraged and uplifted us through this tough time. We have so many blessings and are so thankful.

Turkey Burgers

Lately I have been getting some teasing about having a blog and not writing often enough... :-) Thank you for your thoughts and for wanting to share in my daily happenings.

Today was the meeting at the Sleep Clinic. I was so very blessed to have the doctor tell me that she thought I only had a very minor case of sleep apnea and that she did not think I needed a machine to help me breathe at night. This was wonderful news... as I can't imagine how thrilled Ray would be with yet another obstacle to our sleeping patterns. (As it is now, I sleep on a mound of pillows that somehow end up all over the bed by the morning.)

I have also received quite a bit of interest in my new "low sodium" diet. First I would like to say that EVERYONE should eat less than 2,000 mg of sodium a day. For those of you who have never paid any attention and are wondering, ONE box of mac n cheese has your entire daily intake. :-p So what do I eat?

It has taken us hours at the grocery store (my little sister Lulu is a real trooper, we have spent over 5 hours combined in the past 3 weeks in the store together checking labels). Fresh fruits and vegetables are a given, but I have been surprised at some of the other favorites we have found:

1. Ray makes incredible Turkey Burgers (thanks to Uncle Frank's example)
2. My mother and father in law and Ray's step-sister and brother brought us Amish Peanut Butter Spread; it tastes amazing and is very low sodium
3. My Aunt and Uncle found low sodium Ritz Crackers
4. Ray and Lulu made a no salt trail mix that is wonderful
5. Our friend Annie made a very good pot roast (although I caught everyone else sneaking a little salt on it)
6. My sister Nikki made a really special Carrot Cake on Easter (and a really good bunny cake as well)
7. My Mom made beef/turkey meatloaf that was excellent
8. My Dad (who doesn't cook) helped my find frosted mini wheat cereal that has no sodium

I couldn't have changed my diet without a lot of help and encouragement from my family and friends. My support system has been amazing. Whenever I start craving a food, they find a way to make it low sodium. I have also found that we have a great time cooking together (except for the few low sodium cakes we tried to make that kept ending up tasting like cornbread... yes, cornbread LOL).

Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of low sodium foods that are meant for the birds to eat. We tried an extremely low sodium bread that literally tasted like cardboard. And Lulu got some low sodium potato chips that taste fine at first, and then have an awful after-taste. Ray bought low sodium chips and salsa that I can't hardly get anyone to try because it looks bad. And the no sodium cheese is definitely an acquired taste. :-)

But most heart failure patients take a water pill to control the swelling around the heart. My doctor thought since I was so young that it would be better on my kidneys if I would try to control the swelling with my diet instead of the lasix pill. So, my diet is a little more restrictive. On Sunday, I spent the day away from our house and ate well, but not real low sodium. By Monday morning I was having a hard time breathing. So, I took a lasix pill and lost 4 pounds of water. It's a little scary how quickly I can revert back to putting a strain on my hurting heart, so I will have to be extra cautious.

Thanks again for all your thoughts and prayers. Would love to hear from everyone.

Easter Pics

We had a wonderful Easter with family (but really missed Lesley and Bill and the girls). My parents, sisters, and brother have been an incredible encouragement to me through this entire ordeal and I am so thankful for loved ones.

I also enjoyed a nice visit from my college roommate this weekend. Thanks for visiting Fire!!

Tomorrow I will get the results of the Sleep Clinic and Thursday will be the Heart Failure Clinic where they will double my medication. Thank you for all the thoughts and prayers. I will try to write more after my appointments.

Waiting for the Rise

With yesterday being Good Friday, I am reminded of how today would have been a day of waiting for all of Jesus' loved ones... And how many of them lost hope and felt despair. Although their waiting only lasted three days, I'm sure it felt much longer than that.

When I find myself anxious about my condition, this verse has helped me to remember that although my head is feeling despair, His peace brings hope and strength. "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1:2-4

Thank you for the prayers for my uncle. He had an artery that was 95% blocked, but they have cleared it up. He has come off of life support and is responding wonderfully. I am so thankful to God that He has allowed the family to have such a blessing. We will not fully know the effects of the heart attack and lack of oxygen for another day or two, but we are so thankful for the recovery he has already had.

As for me, I did my time at the sleep clinic again this week. Had to stay overnight Tuesday night and then all day Wednesday. This allowed me 4 naps on Wednesday... not too rough. :-) I won't know the results for another week or so.

I also had an appt with my family doctor, who happened to be studying with my cardiologist the day we found the heart failure. She was so encouraging and optimistic that I could get better. I was really thankful. She seemed very pleased with all my test results and daily activities. I also went to the Heart Failure Clinic on Thursday where they doubled my medication. It always makes me a little tired, but I was prepared for that this time. The nurses at the clinic are so supportive (and I think they all know me by name). I am so thankful that God has been blessing me with such good care. In fact, my family doctor hugged me before I left and the nurse at the clinic called me on Friday just to check on me and see how my uncle was doing. They are a blessing in a difficult time.

Of course my blood pressure is extremely low (last night it fell to 79/59), but I am not feeling hardly any side effects. I have had to take quite a few rests and naps the last few days, but am feeling no pain, just tired. In fact, the worst side effect I have had is that my hair has started falling out in big clumps. :-( But I just started a multivitamin that I am praying will help with that. :-)

One last thing that has been on my mind. This condition has prevented me from being at several of my loved ones' events (Grady's baptism, Katrina's shower, Aaron's Recital, etc.). My heart is with you and I am hoping I will be well soon enough to get back to the blessings of sharing in your lives. Thank you for being such wonderful friends and family.

Happy Easter to everyone and I hope to see you soon!!

When it rains, it pours...

Thank you again to everyone who has been keeping us in your thoughts and prayers. I have been so surrounded in love and prayers that some days I feel I am just basking in the beauty of life. Thank you for helping me to forget the troubles facing us and to embrace love and comfort.

Each day, my heart is feeling a little stronger. I had an appt with the family doctor today, who was there when we found out about the heart failure. She was so encouraging and supportive and was very optimistic that everything was progressing well. She said that when I see the cardiologist at the beginning of June, we should know what the next steps will be.

Some of you may know that my uncle (my Mom's brother) was hit and killed by a drunk driver a few months ago. Last night, another uncle (another of my Mom's brothers) had a massive heart attack. They were able to revive him after 4 shocks and have now sedated him for the next 48 hours in order to cool his body temperature to 90 degrees to try to preserve as much of the body's organs/muscles as possible. Please remember the family in your prayers. We will not know the extent of the damage for a few days. But our hearts are hurting.

On our way home from the hospital last night, I was thinking how so many people go through their normal lives thinking it is a normal day with nothing significant happening. I am so thankful that God has opened my eyes to see that at the same time, some people are hurting and facing desperate situations where they need so much love and support. I hope God is growing me into a person that will respond to those needs and love those whose worlds are being challenged.

Well, tonight will be another attempt at the sleep clinic. Hopefully it will go a little better than last time (but just in case, I am packing a flashlight)! I also have a meeting at the Heart Failure Clinic on Thursday to have my medication increased.

Thank you again for your thoughts and prayers.

SHAFT

To all my college buddies, the shaft has struck again...

One side effect of heart failure is sleep apnea. So, the doctor wanted me to go to a sleep clinic to be tested for sleep apnea because if I have even a little of it, my heart would suffer. So last night Ray and I packed my bag and headed to the clinic. They hooked me up to about 50 wires, squirted goo all over my head and hair, stuck my finger in a press, and shoved some tubes up my nose and mouth so they could monitor me while I had a comfortable sleep. :-) They didn't get me in bed until 11 and then I didn't get asleep until after midnight.

At 2 in the morning I was awaken to a bunch of beeping and then total darkness. THE POWER WENT OUT!! The nurse came in to check on me and told me that she wouldn't be able to hear or see me if I needed anything. She then came in a little later and told me they didn't know when the power would be back on and that the entire block was out and that if I wanted to go home, I could. I decided to wait it out to see if it came back on (plus I didn't want to wake someone up at 2 in the morning to pick me up). Then a little later my machine started beeping FOREVER and the nurse couldn't hear them so they just kept beeping. Finally around 4 I got up to use the bathroom, only to discover it was pitch black in the restroom and the toilet didn't flush. I also noticed the few backup lights they did have in the office were getting dimmer by the minute. The realization that soon I was going to be in total darkness in the clinic prompted me to call and wake my Dad to come pick me up.

Dad brought me home completely exhausted. Then, I had to shower before I could go to bed because my hair was full of goo from the clinic. Needless to say I hit the bed around six and snoozed for several hours.

This is not how you want to spend your nights when you are already in heart failure!! LOL!