Home Again Home Again

Well, we arrived home on Thursday. I was still feeling pretty rough and my blood work was still showing that my heart was in a lot of distress... but I had to get out of the hospital. :-) I had a really good night's sleep on Thursday night. I felt very run down on Friday but my restless legs were doing really well. Friday night was a little more rough, but I did still get a good bit of sleep. It's amazing how much easier it is to sleep in your own house! LOL!

Today has been a little rough... my legs have been a little restless. But it's not been too bad. My friend Showers stopped by today and my sisters came by yesterday. I have been so blessed with so many wonderful people in my life and I am so thankful for each one.

Some times the pain makes it difficult to focus and pray, but I have been really determined to keep my faith about me and to remember that God has promised to carry us through the difficult times. I am looking forward to the day that I can see each of my friends and tell them of the miracle of God's healing on my heart!

Tuesday is my big 3 month appointment with my cardiologist. They are going to make some decisions about how we want to proceed. I am fully expecting that they are going to want to either put in a defibrilator/pacemaker or some other device to help my heart pump. Everything I have read says that they will only put me on the heart transplant list if the doctor feels I have less than 2 years to live on this heart. So, please be in prayer for this appointment. I am really praying for God's strength and courage, because I know I do not have enough on my own. But I know He has a plan for me, and one to prosper me not to harm me. God hears our prayers and answers when we call. Love to you!

Back In The Saddle... Hospital Again!

Last night, after three days of getting sick and not being able to sleep at night, Ray and my Dad convinced me to come back to the hospital. We arrived at the ER around 3:30 AM and were in there for over 14 hours. We are now in a room and a little more settled. They gave me some good stuff for my nausea and I am feeling much better. I am still really struggling with my restless legs and would really appreciate all of your prayers. But I am really looking forward to a good night's sleep tonight (assuming my roommate will turn down her tv :-).

The Pastor reminded me about something on Sunday. "Without faith it is impossible to please God." I don't kn0w about you, but I certainly want to please God. And I also know that He is going to carry me through this difficult time. So although we are walking through some valleys right now, I know we are going to rise above.

Blessings and Visitors

This week I have had so many blessings and visitors. There have been so many conversations this week that I have been so grateful to have. It has reassured me that God is watching over me and that He has plans to prosper me and not to harm me. (In fact, a lot of people - including me - are praying expecting God to give me a totally healed heart.)

The week started off with our water heater going bad. Poor Ray is trying to take care of me and the house and everything else so that I won't stress. We were so thankful our Dads were here to help put in a new one... did I mention it was $700?!?!?

Again, I had a wonderful conversation with Ray's Mom. Then with my Dad, Ray, my Mom, my sisters. It is amazing how God has surrounded me with love through this tough time.

My sister and her beautiful girls came to visit yesterday. Please pray for her family, as they are about to have some challenges ahead. But I have never seen any situation that she couldn't handle. I look up to her in so many ways and am so thankful to be a part of her life. I think it was God calling her back to Columbus so that we could grow our relationship.

Then one of my old trombone students and his mom stopped over for a visit. They have been wonderful friends through this (not to mention she is so helpful when we lock ourselves out of the house:-). I am so proud of my student, he is going to march with the Blue Jackets this summer. It's an absolutely amazing opportunity and I am so blessed to get to be a part of it. I wish I would have told him how proud of him I was... but sometimes boys get a little uncomfortable with an outpouring of emotions. :-) So, I think I'll send him a card. :-)

Well, if you read all this way to see how I am doing physically, I am pretty good. I went to the Heart Failure Clinic again on Thursday and they gave me more Lasix because my legs and stomach were still swollen. I had a little bit of a funny reaction to it, but am doing fine. Very surprisingly, my legs are still swollen, but I am breathing MUCH better. So, they said to just keep my legs elevated and hopefully the swelling will go down. My stomach has been a little nauseous lately and my restless legs have been really tough at night. I am taking medication for both, but it doesn't seem to be working. So, I will talk to the doctor on Monday. Hopefully they will have another plan of action.

Beautiful Weather

Today is a great day. This is the first day in quite some time that I have felt well enough to really sit and enjoy the beautiful weather outside. There are so many blessings around me that I have been a little negligent in recognizing. I know it's easy to do when you are feeling lousy, but you feel so encouraged when you remember all the wonderful things and people around you.

Yesterday I went to the Heart Failure Clinic because I had quite a bit of swelling in my stomach and legs, not to mention fluid in my lungs and difficulty breathing when I tried to lay down. They did a bunch of lab work and found everything to be pretty good. They gave me IV Lasix, which helped me to shed 7 pounds of fluid yesterday (yes, that is quite a few trips to the bathroom!!!LOL), which led to me feeling wonderful today. I will have to go back for a follow up visit on Thursday, but I already know I am doing so much better. In fact, I am going to make chicken enchiladas for dinner. (OK, my Dad is going to make them and I am going to supervise.:-)

Several people have asked me in the last week if I have had a difficult time holding on to my faith through this ordeal. It's a funny question, because I know my faith grows stronger with each day. I was telling my sister today that when the pain has gotten really rough, it is then that I pray for God's strength because I know I cannot make it on my own. Then I just watch as God carries me through the day. He gives us strength enough to overcome day by day. I don't enjoy those days coming, but they grow me and my faith exponentially because I realize how to let go and let God and I am able to see how it is God through me and not my own strength. I would encourage each of you to find a situation that you feel overwhelmed with, and pray for God's wisdom and strength to supersede your own... you'll be amazed at what He will do when you ask Him!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LULU!!

My little sister has become one of my absolute best friends. There are so many things that I admire about her, that if I would tell of them, this would be a crazy long blog. However, I think some times my little sister thinks because she is the baby of the family, that we all view her as naive, irresponsible, and immature; but I think nothing could be farther from the truth for me. She has impressed me with her career (last summer she took an entire group of high school students to Costa Rica - she organized and led the entire trip - and no one died! BTW, Who does that?) She sings on her praise team at church, she cares so much for her friends and family, and she puts up with two crazy cats. She is incredibly talented. This year she decided she wanted to be a photographer. Now most of us get these crazy ideas but hardly ever to we bring them to fruition. But not her, she put her mind to it, gathered up the equipment, booked some jobs, and became a photographer.

And all of that pales in comparison to the encouragement she has brought me through my entire ordeal. Towards the beginning when I was having trouble sleeping at night, she stayed with me a few nights to give Ray a rest. She sat up at night with me when I couldn't sleep and talked and cried with me. She held my hair for me when I got sick. And she sat quietly by me through some of my toughest days when I was too tired to talk. You can never thank someone for the love they give you in your darkest times, you just have to trust that they know your heart. Little sis, I am so very blessed to have you in my life!

Code Brown

Tuesday night Ray and I tucked into bed around 10. We both fell asleep. Around 11, I awoke to Ray asking me if everything was okay... the next thing I know, I flopped off the bed and was on the floor. My mind was awake but I couldn't move. Ray and my Dad called the squad and had me brought back to the fateful hospital. When we arrived at Grant, I was conscious and waiting to know what happened. I was twitching on my right side and could not hold still. So they wanted to give me something to sedate me. I told them I shouldn't take anything :-), but they gave me a half dose anyway. It made me high as a kite, which actually was quite fun! While we were laughing and carrying on, the nurses called a code brown!!! Yuck! LOL!!

Anyway, after an MRI they were able to determine that I had a stroke. Five pieces of the blood clot from my heart broke off and went to my brain. I am okay now and do not seem to have any residual damage. Every doctor that has come in the last few days has said that I am doing great.

I am also starting a new drug because my restless legs came back. The drug is very strong and is making me incredibly tired, but hopefully I will get used to it. :-)

Congratulations to my sister Lesley and my new nephew, William Calvin Wallace!!! Love you and wish I could be there.

I should be getting out of here today, but we will see and keep you posted. Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers!!

There's No Place Like Home

Finally, I am sitting in my own home again. I was discharged late last night. Yesterday morning my nurse came to give me more rough news. I had two slight tachycardias over the night. That means that my heart wasn't beating... it's more like it was fluttering. Luckily, it stopped on its own and no damage was done. But of course, my doctors were very concerned. The cardiologist decided to release me last night though because the episodes were very short.

After arriving home late and getting some dinner, medicine, and a much needed shower, I was tucked in for a nice night's sleep.

As I reflect on the last week, it has been one of the absolute worst of my life, but you can't help but see God's hand in each step. If I hadn't been throwing up, I never would've gone to the hospital. If I hadn't been taking medicine for restless legs and had a reaction, they would've never done an echocardiagram and found the blood clot. If I hadn't had a reaction to the light anesthesia, it could've been awful if I have to have major surgery. And if I hadn't had a reaction to the nausea medicine, they wouldn't have hooked me up to the cardiac monitors that found the tachycardia. I would say God is taking wonderful care of Ray and I. I also believe God still works miracles, so I am praying for a healed heart.

Mother's Day Update (from Ray)

Happy Mother's Day!

After my post yesterday, there was a lot that happened. Missy woke up around 11:30pm with a queasy stomach. Our nurse came in and gave her some IV anti-nausea medicine, after which Missy's BP crashed very quickly.

After some frantic activity with several nurses and the on-call doctor, we moved up to the cardiac floor, which is a step below the ICU. As you've read already, Missy hasn't been sleeping well. Last night was even more extreme. She was so exhausted from being pricked and prodded, but could not seem to fall asleep. Finally, around 5:30am this morning, she was able to rest. Of course you never get a full 8 hours of sleep in a hospital because of the vital sign checks and blood draws, so she napped a lot during the day.

Her mom volunteered to spend her Mother's Day night at the hospital so I could come home and crash; as I was leaving, Missy was on her way to sleep.

Not Your Typical Saturday (from Ray)

This morning I was awakened by my cell phone a little after 5:00am. It was Missy's nurse, saying she was awake, alert and ready for a visitor. So, after a long, scary day yesterday, Saturday started out much brighter (even though the sun wasn't yet up).

Missy is doing MUCH better today, thanks to the able ICU staff and her team of doctors as well as your support and prayers. Luckily, Missy doesn't remember much from her first anesthetization, but most of the rest of us remember keenly.

She's certainly an entertaining "drunk." At one point one of her doctors came in to check up on her, and she looked right at him and said, "What the heck happened to me?" He tried to explain, but she said, "You did it to me!" Laughter ensued.

Later, her family doctor came by and Missy looked at her and said, "What are YOU doing in the ICU?" Her doctor replied quickly, "I work here. What are you doing in the ICU?"

After trying to awaken her for nearly 6 hours, we all got a good laugh when Amy and Tim walked in: she look up and shouted happily, "Lulu!" and "Timmy's here!" after which she recognized the rest of us: Mom, Nikki, Ken and I.

So, long story short, she's on a blood thinner for the clot and, if her blood work comes back with the right numbers tomorrow, she'll get to go home!

We'll update again once she's back at home. Thanks again for your visits, love, support and prayers.

Update (from Ray)

Well, today started out fine. Missy slept well (for the most part) last night, but she couldn't eat anything past midnight because of today's echo. She had a lot of visitors throughout the day, then at 2:00pm we went down so they could begin the TE echo.

All was ok until I was the only person in the waiting room, and I heard a code blue called for the area I knew she was in. About 20 minutes later, a chaplain came out and said there were a few complications but that the doctor was stabilizing her. It turns out that, because of the medications she's been on and that she's never been under anesthetic, everything collided in her system, causing her to stop breathing. They tried intubating, but ended up getting the tube in her esophagus, pumping air into her stomach instead of her lungs. After a VERY scary and emotional few hours, I am happy to report that she is doing much better. She's spending the night in the ICU (which means I'm sleeping in a waiting room), and we'll know more concrete info about her recovery tomorrow morning.

The doctor did get enough time with the scope to confirm the clot, so they are starting her on even more medication to dissolve the existing clot and prevent future ones.

I cannot express enough gratitude to everyone who's been here today, especially Missy's mom and dad. They've been amazingly strong through this week. Having my mom and dad here was certainly comforting this afternoon as well.

Missy's dad and I were talking yesterday, and we know God has a plan for this, but it's just so difficult to see how this fits in right now. I'm trying to hold on to God's promise in Jeremiah, but it's pretty tough right now.

"I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen." (Jeremiah 29:11-12, The Message)

Your continued prayers are certainly appreciated.

Round 2 (from Ray)

The last week has certainly been trying. Last Friday, Missy started vomiting, and it hasn't really stopped . On top of that, she now has restless legs. Heart failure, vomiting and RLS make for VERY little sleep (only a few hours a night). After a visit to her family doctor, she tried a few prescriptions to help but couldn't keep them down. When she called the doctor's office, she said to go to the ER. So, on Wednesday they admitted her and are currently stumped as to why she's so sick. They are giving her a few different anti-nausea medications, and she finally fell asleep around 8:30 this evening. We're hoping she'll have a sound night's sleep.

In the process of ruling out a few things that could have caused the nausea, they found a spot in her heart, which could be a blood clot. Even though she wasn't in for a heart issue this round, it's a huge blessing that her doctors found it. To verify, though, they have to put her under "twilight" anesthetic and stick a scope down her throat so they can do an echo cardiogram from behind the heart. Once that's done, they should have a better idea of whether or not it is truly a clot.

Thanks for your continued prayers and support. Mom and Amy, thanks SO MUCH for staying overnight at the hospital so I could get some sleep. Ken, thanks for extending your typical week with us. Thanks to everyone who visited as well - we couldn't make it through without your love, prayers and support!

Crazy Legs

Well, the week has been off to a rough start, but hopefully we are on the upswing. Something made me sick on Friday (sorry Ray and Lulu) and has kept me nauseous and getting sick since then. Also, my legs are so restless at night that we haven't slept more than a few hours a night in days. So... that landed us a trip to the Heart Failure Clinic this morning. They tested my blood and vitals. My blood pressure is extremely low, but that could be from being so sick. They sent me to my family doctor who thinks I am dehydrated and have low potassium. She gave me medicine for the potassium, nausea, and restless legs. Now I am praying that the Lord is going to give us a wonderful night's sleep (and we would appreciate all your thoughts and prayers)!! :-)

Ray's Aunts sent over a really sweet basket of gifts yesterday. That really brightened our day. Plus a visit from his parents was nice. Also, my Mom is on vacation and has been cooking for us this week. It has been WONDERFUL (well, as great as it can be without salt LOL)! I think this is going to be a great week!

Another Tough Weekend

It was another rough weekend around our house. I seemed to have caught the stomach flu yesterday and we had a really rough time with it. We called the squad last night again because as you can imagine, getting sick is really hard on your heart. They did an EKG and checked all my vitals and thought I was pretty stable, so I didn't go back to the hospital. They thought the pain in my chest was muscular pain from getting sick and not from the heart failure. It was tough for us because we are still trying to learn when to be cautious and when to just wait out the storm. Ray gave me lots of nausea medicine last night and I finally felt better. Today has been a day of rest and recovery.

Once again, God provided me today with a devotional that was written just for me:

When racked with physical pain, we need the Comforter. Some pain can be endured, but the sharp fangs of certain pains push into the marrow of our nature and horribly bore their ways through the brain and the spirit. For such pains, much grace is needed. When your head throbs, when your heart palpitates, when your system is upset, it is natural to say with Jacob, "All these things are against me." We complain of providence, but this is the time to apply the promise with power. "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." (Is 41:10) This promise, like the nightingale's song, is most sweet when heard in the night season.

It is so great to know that we have such a promise to carry us through the tough times. We would really appreciate all your thoughts and prayers.

Happy Birthday My Love!

My husband has been an amazing rock of encouragement throughout our entire marriage, and especially lately. These were some of his words to me Sept 4, 2001: " I know things may be difficult for us for a while, but I'm sure things will become easier with time. I love you so much and I want to do everything in my power to keep us as close as possible." He has truly lived up to those words through the good times and bad. I could not love him more. Thanks Love! ~)