Testing Day Set

These last few months have been a wonderful respite from the six months we spent in the hospital. Some times I think God pushes us to our breaking point and then picks us up in love and gives us rest.

My walking has increased to a little over a two-mile hike each day with a wonderful friend whose conversations make the walk one of my favorite times of the day. We are learning to cook new foods (I will be posting some of my favorite recipes shortly). And we are spending lots of time with family and friends. I was even able to do a little volunteer audit (pretty sure some of the many drugs I had in the hospital have tainted my abilities, but it felt wonderful to challenge myself mentally).

There is something about having a terminal illness that teaches us to appreciate each day. The relationships that have blossomed to new levels and the daily realizations that each memory builds ripple affects that can change lives gives me hope each day and motivation to make the most of my time.

Also, the Christian talk show that Ray and I shot a few weeks ago is online if you are interested in watching it (I think only the first show is on the website today but the other should be added in the next day or so). We are so thankful that others may be encouraged through our struggle. And I hope that it is an encouragement to everyone that all things are possible with God and that all things work together for good for those that love Him.(http://www.wtlw.com/Programs/LocalPrograms/GraceForToday/tabid/70/Default.aspx)

Also, they have set up a bunch of testing for next Tuesday, April 6. They will do an echo (ultrasound of my heart) while turning off my pump. Then they will do a right heart cath (stick a long tube through my next to my heart). While the swan is still in my neck, they will bring in a recumbent bike and have me exercise my heart with the heart pump turned down and a mask on to measure my use of oxygen. If all goes well, and I am certain it will, the pump will be scheduled to be removed at my surgeon's first available slot.

We would really appreciate all of your prayers for the testing and the upcoming surgery. We know those prayers are what has brought us this far and we are needing them to calm our fears of the upcoming surgery. We know God is in control, but some times we have to face the pain that comes with the valley before we get to that mountain top. God has been so good to us and we are so grateful, but we need His continued grace. So again, please just keep this testing in your prayers. And thanks for being a part of this with us.

Fulfilling Day

Yesterday Ray and I filmed a christian talk show. The host happened to be in the waiting room during my transplant waiting on her husband's surgery. We were a little apprehensive about sharing our innermost feelings with anonymous watchers, but we really felt like God could use our testimony in so many great ways. We actually had a good time doing the show and Ray particularly enjoyed it. (I will put a link to it on my blog once it airs next Wednesday and Thursday, if you are interested in seeing it.)

Then, I went to the hospital for a support group meeting. There are so many young LVAD patients there right now. Five that I spoke to who were under 30. The group was a particularly moving time and by the end of it, we were all in tears. It is so much harder for younger patients to be able to emotionally deal with such a difficult illness. Anyway, during the meeting I was able to share my faith and I am hoping that God will really speak to these ladies and give them hope and love. It is so exciting to allow God to speak through you.

Then we went to dinner with my mom and then dropped by my Aunt's house to wish her a happy birthday. It was a wonderful day; however, by last night I had to take pain medicine to be able to sleep because my back and legs and stomach hurt so bad. It's tough to remember that I am still healing and not able to do the things I used to yet. But my husband has been so wonderful as a caretaker and he always seems to understand.

There are a few verses that have been running through my head lately. They certainly help me make decisions about my health but they apply to every area of everyone's lives. Especially in light of all the political debates that have been happening around Columbus lately with healthcare and what not. They are verses I learned as a child in caravan but have proven to be my life's direction: "Lean not on your own understanding. But in all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths."

Dark Day

Strange how one day can change the course of your entire life; March 9 of last year did just that for us. That was the day we thought we were going in for a routine test and found out I was in heart failure. I remember feeling so scared and not quite understanding how the illness would affect my life. As my mom and I proceeded to the Heart Failure Clinic, I will never forget the older nurse who just kept patting my hand and saying, "There is hope honey, there is hope." It was a horrible day.

It took Ray and I months to work through in our hearts how God could let something so horrible happen. Although we knew ultimately that He loved us, we struggled to feel that love. Learning to adjust to a terminal illness as a young couple was so very difficult for us. But I do believe that we began to accept that God was doing a work in our lives. We determined that no matter how bad it got, we would do what we could to serve Him. We learned day by day that we couldn't do anything but trust God's plan. I wish it didn't take such an awful illness to teach us that, but I am thankful for the lesson. In fact, I cannot tell you how much Ray and I have grown and how much love and empathy He has given us for others.

And how can I talk about this dark day without being reminded that it led to His miracle day on January 11?!?! There can never be victory without first going through the battle.

Therefore, I will continue to remind myself all day today that this is the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it.

Many of you also have dark days where you remember the loss of a loved one or some tragic event that happened. I wish I could take your pain away, but I can't... but I know someone and He can!!