Hardships

Yesterday in the service, our pastor made a statement that hit me like a ton of bricks. He stated that all the great apostles from the Bible suffered great hardships and that these trials taught them of their own inadequacies and their need for the Holy Spirit's leading in every area of their lives. He argued that they had learned the lesson that they could do nothing on their own without God's help.

This was very insightful to me. Probably the biggest change in my spiritual walk since I have become ill has been the constant reminder that although I can change my lifestyle to include a low sodium diet, a hearty walk each afternoon, constant monitoring of my fluid intake, blood pressure, weight, etc. I cannot control what happens to my body. Only God has that power. Although in my mind I have always known that, I am reminded of it every time my heart does a flip-flop, or flutter, or waiver. It is a constant reminder that this world is not my home and that I have no power in it, except what is granted to me through God's grace and mercy. This lesson has spilled over into all the other areas of my life and I am constantly reminded that all I can do in this life is to seek God's will and pray that He gives me a chance to make a difference in someone's life.

So, although I would never wish hardships on anyone, nor would I choose them for myself, I am thankful for the lessons that we learn from them and am hoping that maybe others can learn from my hardships and not have to face them themselves. :-)

Home Sweet Home

Well, last night we got to sleep 10 blissful hours in our own bed. (I think we were dead to the world until the phone woke us up this morning.) It is so wonderful to be home. Finally, I am able to rest and relax with no one sticking me, taking my blood pressure, assessing my health, etc.

I will still have to have home health come for the next three weeks or so to work on my wound vac while it heals, and I have a LOT of appointments at the hospital. But it is a small price to pay for the freedom of home!

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. Couldn't do it without all the wonderful people in my life!!

Still Waiting Patiently in Hospital

Well, it's Wednesday morning, and I am writing this from my hospital bed. It has turned into quite a long stay and I am feeling it. It started out as only a small surgery, but I should know better. Seems like when we think things are going to be relatively easy, it's then that our spirits get tested.

My kidneys are headed in the right direction, but we are still waiting on them to get better. In the meantime, all of my medications have changed because they were bad on my kidneys. The new medications have been giving me terrible headaches and nausea. It's been a long few weeks. But I am learning how to get through it. Hopefully soon my kidneys will perk up and I can get back on my old faithful medications. :-)

It's amazing to me how different life is in the hospital. There are so many hurting and struggling people here. I am so thankful that my eyes and heart have been open to the pain in people's lives. Hopefully that will help me be a better tool to be used to make their lives a little better.

Well, I would LOVE to see any of that would like to come for a visit. It makes the days just a little shorter. :-) We are anticipating being here several more days still... Thank you so much for all your thoughts and prayers.

Recovery Trials (from Ray)

In case some of you haven't heard, Missy's surgery went fine, but the days since have been difficult. It turns out that she didn't have an infection at all, but rather a granuloma (a pocket of white blood cells). Blood cultures take several days to grow anything, so her surgeon put her on two heavy duty antibiotics last Saturday. Sunday she expected to go to surgery, so she wasn't allowed to eat or drink all day (termed NPO) until about 6:00pm. Same thing on Monday, NPO until dinner.

Needless to say, her body did not like the lack of fluids. Her key kidney health measurement (creatinine) was 0.9 when she was admitted, but this afternoon it was nearly 5.0. Because of this high level, she's experiencing a lot of pain, so much so that she can't sleep comfortably (not that you really can in the hospital anyway).

Another trial she's faced has been the wound vac. That's right, she has a small vacuum hose connected to the surgery wound in order to aid healing and drainage. Today was her first dressing change. They encouraged her to pre-medicate, so she took not one, but two Percocets. Even with the narcotics on board, it proved to be a terribly excruciating experience.

To top it all off, she hasn't been taking her blood pressure medication (an ARB) because of its effects on kidney function, so she's had a progressively worsening headache all week. Needless to say, it doesn't look like she'll be going home soon.

Prior to this hospital stay, she was doing wonderful. She was finally able to drive again, she was able to take extended walks with her walking buddy, and she's gotten to enjoy spending time with our nieces and nephews. Now it feels like we've taken two giant steps backward. When we're going through these trials, it's incredibly difficult to remember that this will only last for a little while because the little while is so intensely bad. It's tough to remember that the Lord has a plan for all of this, but we know it will be realized someday.

Surgery is Over (from Ray)

The surgery went very well. They had to use a breathing tube, but it was out before Missy started waking up, so that was a relief. The downside, though, is that, since she wasn't allowed to eat until dinner last night, her kidney's aren't doing so well.

So, now that she's been here since Saturday, she's finally had the surgery she's been waiting for, but she'll be here longer than we'd hoped because her kidney's are tanking. Hopefully only a few days, though...

Surgery Tomorrow

Saw the surgeon this morning. He is running a CT scan today and then operating tomorrow. Hopefully he will be able to just use a "twilight" anesthesia but if there are any complications, they will have to put me fully out and insert a breathing tube.

I don't think we were prepared for this, but we are hanging in there. The hospital is a rough place to be, especially at night. There is no such thing as peaceful rest in here. LOL! But we have great staff here and have enjoyed seeing everyone again.

So, we will probably be here a few more days. We appreciate all your thoughts and prayers.

Back in the Saddle Again

This morning I was preparing food for a dear friend's birthday party... until we had to return to the hospital. One of the hardest parts of being sick is missing important events in the lives of those we love... Anyway, somehow I have caught a pretty nasty infection under my incision and needed to see the surgeon. Hopefully tomorrow he will be cutting it more open than it is now and getting rid of the infection. So, it should hopefully be a short hospital stay... but any stay is too long. :-p

I had forgotten (or rather refused to think about) what it feels like to be a patient. It's tough. When you are getting poked and prodded you try to smile and push through the pain, but it gets difficult after you feel like swiss cheese from all the holes they have made in your skin.

Lately I have been feeling so great and full of energy. My life has slowly been returning to my new "normal" where I can cook, clean, shop, and visit. What a blessing to have this time with my family and friends.

So, again, hopefully this will be a short hospital stay. They are starting me on antibiotics, culturing the infection, and the doctor will see me in the morning. So, for today, I am lounging around the hospital with my husband trying to be thankful that it was a mere infection and not something worse.

Instant Gratification

A few months ago, I was teaching a class on Financial stability. The author of the book the class was based on made the argument that current generations see what their parents have and think that they have to have better than them RIGHT NOW. He makes the point that with credit, it is possible for young people to live in houses and cars, etc. that are beyond their means. This causes great stress and responsibility as we go deeper and deeper in debt.

He suggests as an alternative, that instead of fulfilling our dreams instantly, to be more modest and work hard and eventually live off the fruits of your hard work. (He also suggests that our parents didn't live the way they do now when they first started out either.)

It's interesting how I can connect to this during this time of healing. In the past two years, Ray and I have went from being on the go constantly to a life of quiet calmness. I don't go to work anymore, we aren't serving at the church for hours a week, we don't really have too many commitments outside of the house. We are just resting.

Some of you are reading this thinking how wonderful that sounds... but it is also a challenge. Each morning I get up and have the option of doing whatever I want with the day. I have no responsibilities or commitments. Literally, I can do whatever I want. While I believe this helped tremendously in my healing, it is also a new way of life. Gratifying your every whim does not develop character nor make you into a person to be proud of. It doesn't accomplish anything. Anyone can do it. And there is no work involved to produce those fruits of progress.

Now I'm not complaining. I have really valued this time, but it has taught me to appreciate the things in my life that I work hard to complete. My sisters work hard at raising their children to be moral and ethical and loved. My mom works hard at helping others. My friends work hard at supporting their families, serving their churches, encouraging others, etc. One of my friends has been working hard with me in developing good low sodium dishes to serve our families. The fruits of labor and hard work are extremely rewarding and teach us to be better people.

My new challenge: Find some new (not too physical) things to work for and achieve. :-)