It Truly Was A Merry Christmas!

Every morning this Christmas season I have awoke with a prayer of thanksgiving that I am home and able to spend this time with my loved ones. I cannot express how truly blessed this season has been for me after such a difficult year.

The love my husband has shown me through this struggle has taught me so much about how deep and self-sacrificing a love can become. He is truly my other half and I could not do this without him. (Here is a picture that my little sister took of us for Christmas.)

My family and friends have been so much fun through this holiday season. We enjoyed Christmas Eve with my parents and siblings (although we were missing my oldest sister since my nephew is in the hospital and my next oldest sister because one of my nieces was running a fever). We then spent Christmas with both my family and Ray's family. We had a really good time (and got some thoughtful gifts as well)! My mom blessed us with a new mattress pad (sleeping has been uncomfortable for me since my surgery) and Ray's dad built us a bench for our porch.

Another huge blessing came my way this week as well. I often talk about my co-workers and how wonderful they have been through this difficult time. Well, before I took my last job, I worked for nine years with the Auditor's Office. There are several awesome people that I had the opportunity to work with and miss terribly. This week, they sent a card and some very thoughtful gifts. In addition, several of my old team members sent me extremely caring notes of encouragement that really meant so much to me. Thank you so much to my old team.

On a little more difficult note, my nephew is still in the ICU. They are not sure what is wrong, and he is not getting better. Also, my neighbor in the hospital (who also had heart failure and a heart pump and was trying to get a heart transplant) passed away on Christmas Eve morning. It is a reminder of how cruel this illness can be. Some times it is tough to understand why God lets some of us lead healthy lives and some of us are sick; however, God spoke to me through this scripture in Romans 9, "Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use?" It is not up to us to ask our creator why He makes us the way He makes us, but rather it is our duty to learn to trust His love for us and to be obedient with our lives. I have faith that God's hand is guiding us through this struggle and that He will provide the "perfect" heart. Of course, I would still REALLY appreciate all of your prayers. Thank you to each of you who have sent cards, e-mails, food, visits, phone calls, etc. I have been so blessed to have such wonderful support. I hope one day I can return the love and kindness to each of you.

Holiday Happiness

This week has started off so wonderful and exciting. Over the weekend, my mom's family was all in town and it was a LOUD party. :-)

We also got to visit with Ray's mom's family at a charming party on Sunday.

Then Monday, I spent the ENTIRE day baking thousands of cookies with a few of my sisters and nieces. My niece summed it up perfectly when she looked at me and said, "I will never forget this day as long as I live." They were too much fun and I treasure the time I had with my sisters (but I certainly missed my mom and other sisters).

Then yesterday, I took small gifts up to my work to thank them for how encouraging they have been to me this past year. They have sent multiple gifts, several visits, and tons of thoughts and prayers. They have made me really miss working (and that is tough to do). It was touching how they were still talking about the ways that my experience and expertise could have helped the team. They are amazing co-workers. I was also very touched to see that my name plate was still on my office door. It made me feel a part of things, even though I am not there.

I then got to spend some time visiting with extended family yesterday. Then last night, Ray and Dad and I made wreaths (yes, wreaths). LOL. See, my little sister has taken up photography and has become amazingly good (interrupt here to tell you if you are looking for a photographer, you can't do better than her ... and here is her website: http://scolessolphotography.weebly.com/). She took family photos of everyone for Christmas. So I thought I would use my talent and make something for everyone to remember me by... only I have NO artistic talent. LOL. I know my family is reading this and shaking their heads in agreement. LOL. Anyway, I ended up having to ask my little sister to help me with the wreaths, but she took an emergency trip yesterday and I had to do it myself. Needless to say, they don't look too shabby. :-)

One last thought for the day. My oldest sister/aunt has twins. One of her twins has been in the ICU since Friday. He had double pneumonia and is having extreme trouble breathing. He has a fever of 105 and doesn't seem to be getting better. They are not sure what is wrong. Please be in prayer for them, as you can imagine, it is so difficult.

Well, this post was just to give you a glimpse of how wonderful this Christmas season has been so far. I know it is has been such a tough year, but God is so good. Love to you all!

Home! YEAH!

The doctors finally let me go home Wednesday afternoon, with a promise that I would have labs done and return Thursday for a follow up. Thursday morning after labs were drawn, my dear family and a few very close friends met at the hospital for a meeting with the transplant team.

The meeting was very informative about the pre, post, and during surgery events. As of Thursday, I am the only 1A status in central Ohio (meaning I am the top of the list). What I loved about the meeting, was that each one of my family members and friends' personalities showed in the meeting. They are so wonderful.

So, the perfect heart can arrive at any time now. I will remain at the top of the list for 30 days. After that, I will drop a level. I have heard a lot of transplant patients say the wait is the hardest part; however, I have very little anxiety about the wait. I am really trusting that God is going to bring the right heart at the right time. But I pray for my family and friends who are struggling through this with me.

I love the holidays and have really enjoyed the time I have had at home. My uncle's family is in from Arizona this weekend and a few of my sisters and I are cookie baking on Monday. I am really looking forward to it. (Except that I seem to have caught a migraine and stomach bug and have been in bed for 2 days. But I am feeling better this morning and looking forward to seeing everyone.)

Can I also say that I LOVE the snow!! What a wonderful addition to the holiday season!!

I MADE THE LIST!!

Yesterday, I was placed at the top of the heart transplant list!! Yeah! I will have 30 days at the top of the list to receive a new heart. If I don't get one, I will drop down a status, unless I have yet another complication that lands me in the hospital. :-(

And yes, I am still in the hospital... first it was because my heart pump was grinding up my red blood cells. Now it is because my kidney levels were elevated and they wanted to be very cautious since they just listed me. But I am crossing my fingers that I MIGHT get out today. :-)

Tomorrow morning will be a meeting with my family and very close friends and the heart transplant coordinators. They will explain how everything will work and what to expect post transplant. Please pray for this meeting.

A lot of my loved ones have been asking me how I am handling the news. My logical side know this is my best hope for living several more years. But of course, my human side is scared to death... okay, not death. LOL. But to be honest, I have a huge peace for this surgery. Although I know it is one of the most serious and risky surgeries and post-surgeries, I am not too anxious or too upset. This is largely due to the reassurance that God gave me last week that His timing is perfect and that He is watching over my healing. My trust is in Him right now and whatever happens, I know it is His will.

I cannot express to you how much your thoughts and prayers have meant to me. Every prayer, every card, every phone call, every gift, every visit, and everyone reading this blog and caring enough to want to know what is going on in our lives, I am so thankful for you. I could not make it through this most difficult time without you.

Bleeding Again?

As you can probably guess, I am in the hospital again. :-p Apparently my VAD is stripping my red blood cells. This was probably caused by me skipping my blood thinners on Monday and Tuesday in anticipation of my heart cath. My doctor thinks the thickening of my blood probably caused some clots in my VAD. So, I am getting IV blood thinners and fluids to try to flush out and thin the blood.

This has been an interesting hospital stay. I have met and talked to so many other patients that are having complications with their VADs. It is heartbreaking for them, but I keep trying to remind them that God has a purpose for everything... but that is tough when people are suffering. I have been holding tight to a promise from the book of I Peter that states people who suffer now and still praise God will be blessed in heaven. That is a wonderful promise.

Today a very dear friend of mine brought me a little Christmas tree and a beautiful Willow Tree nativity. And my precious husband got me Christmas lights to decorate my IV pole. And earlier this week, my boss from work, Joe, brought us home-made Christmas cookies. This has helped it feel like Christmas, even in the hospital. I cannot thank you enough!

Today I am missing my niece's polar bear birthday party; although, I got to take her out Christmas shopping on Thursday. Her and her sisters are so very dear to me and it breaks my heart to miss her party. But as sweet as she is, I know she understands. Love you Bear!!

PERFECT

This morning on the way to the hospital, I was praying about the procedure and the timing of the heart transplant. For the first time in a while, I really felt the Lord speaking to me and telling me that I will know His will by whether or not my pressures are "perfect."

At the hospital, the nurse was explaining to me that they did an antibody test with my blood where they mix my blood with blood from people in the surrounding area to see what the risk would be that my body would acutely reject the new heart. Guess the result? 0% risk... PERFECT!

Then the doctor did the heart catheritization and ... you can probably guess... he said my pressures were PERFECT. In fact, they were so low he thought they might be better than his own pressures. :-)

What this means, is that next Tuesday when the transplant team meets to discuss cases, they will decide how quickly to put me on the list. The transplant coordinator suggested today that it could be as early as next week. However, I am still on antibiotics for the e-coli poisoning and I will need to be weaned off of them first (I think).

It is all very overwhelming to think within the next few weeks that I could be getting a new heart. I know this is God's perfect timing and that He is watching over our steps, but it is still difficult to think of going through another open-heart surgery and the recovery. I would really covet all of your prayers through this time and appreciate all your love and support.

Grace For Each Day

Sorry it has taken a while to post a blog entry... life has been flying by since I arrived home on Thanksgiving night. The holiday was so wonderful (and the food was good too). :-) We were able to surprise my family by making it just after dinner. We didn't follow the same traditions as usual (sorry Lulu) but it was still like a dream to spend the time with loved ones.

I didn't get a chance to blog about some special things that happened while I was in the hospital. One of my PCAs was such a blessing to me and I am sure that God placed us together so that we might kindle a friendship. She has a heart of gold and was sharing how my situation had taught her to be grateful for what she has. It's funny because God had laid that on my heart while I was there as well... to look at the many blessings He has put in my life and not get too discouraged by the obstacles. Thanks Omega, and I am really looking forward to furthering our friendship.

I had an appointment with the transplant doctor yesterday. They said that they are wanting to move up the transplant date because of all the complications I have been having. There are only a few more tests that I need to be able to get on the list. Once I am listed, I will be at the top of the list for 30 days. Then, if I don't get a heart, I will be moved down a level and the wait may be a little longer.

I am scheduled for a right heart catheritization on Wednesday. Please keep this test in your prayers. If all goes well and my heart and lung pressures are down, they are anticipating having me on the list by the end of the holidays. This is both scary and exciting to me at the same time. I have been reading in the book of James where God keeps reminding me that life is short no matter how long you live and that what really matters is that we seek His will and serve Him with the time He gives us. As you can imagine, it is very difficult to face a terminal illness head on and hold to your faith that God has a plan, but that is what I strive to do one day at a time. My older sister, Nikki, once told me that some times when we look into the future, we think we don't have the strength or grace to get through what lies ahead. But she told me that God had revealed to her that He gives us strength and grace as we need it. So, although I may not have the strength and grace for the transplant now, I know in faith that He will supply it for me when the time comes. His timing is always perfect. So, although I feel it is very soon and I was just beginning to enjoy the time of fun and joy with my loved ones, I know His timing is right.

Isn't so wonderful to have wise loved ones around? Not just my sisters who are wonderful, my brother who has really touched my heart lately, a husband who has journeyed with me through this, a father who moved his life here to help me, in-laws (who bring me lots of love and wonderful food), friends who have supported me, a church and pastor who have comforted me, but today, when I was feeling a little apprehensive and scared, my mother sent me the most beautiful Christmas topiary to remind me not only of her love for me, but of His perfect timing. It's amazing the way the Lord seems to hug me when I need it most. Thank you to Mom and everyone reading this who has prayed for me, sent cards, phone calls, visits, and especially the delicious food!! :-) You are such a blessing.