Do you ever have so much assurance of something that you just know that you know what is going to happen? That is how I felt about my testing yesterday. I was so certain that everything was going to be great and they would be taking out my heart pump in the near future. Then yesterday, that assurance came crumbling around my feet and left me thinking, "what just happened?"
In the morning I had an echo (ultrasound of my heart). Normal heart function is 60%, mine used to be at less than 15%. Yesterday, with my pump turned off, my heart function was 50%!!!! Wow right?
Then I had a heart cath (where they stick a long tube through my neck into my heart). My heart pressures and cardiac outputs looked perfect. Then they stuck me on an exercise bike and monitored my heart and lung performance. Apparently, my heart does great when I am at rest, but not so great when I exert energy. It was a crushing reality. The cardiologist decided that they couldn't take the pump out because if they did, I would be completely limited in what I could do. Also, she felt that I would be back in severe heart failure very shortly after removing the pump.
So, they would like to wait 6 months and then test again. She indicated that if it isn't better in 6 months, then they will place me back on the heart transplant list.
I was not prepared for these findings. I was so sure that the testing would go well because of how wonderful I feel lately. So, I am holding to the fact that at least I am out of the hospital and feeling well for the next 6 months. I will use that time to pray and sharpen my life to be ready for whatever opportunities come my way. I know He has a plan and purpose for my life, so I am trying desperately to hold to that promise and to "fear not for He is with me."
We would really appreciate all your thoughts and prayers.
Oh, and Easter was awesome!! I will never forget my big brother dressed up as the hitman easter bunny and the beautiful time with my sisters, parents, nieces, and new nephews.
I'm so sorry for your disappointment at the results from this round of tests. Of course you know from past experience that God's grace is sufficient for the pathway of uncertainty and waiting that you find yourself on, but to wish that you didn't need to experience that particular expression of His grace again is, I think, perfectly normal. I will continue to pray for His Peace to fill your heart and mind, and for the healing that has begun in your heart to be completed in His perfect time.
ReplyDeleteRhonda Purtee
Melissa,
ReplyDeleteOften the realities we have to face are very tough on us. Especailly these difficult medical issues.
You have so many people in your corner .... more than you will ever know and some you'll never meet. (I had the same support for which I'm eternally grateful) I am still meeting people that were praying for me and I know I'll never meet them all.
The power of prayer is real. I see miracles performed every month at my transplant center, which is north of you.
My prayers for you and you family will continue.
God Bless!!!
Hi Melissa,
ReplyDeleteyou are always in my thoughts and you have my prayers for your complete healing. I can't imagine how disappointed you must feel. But like you said, He does have a plan for you and He is working things out far better than we can even imagine. I'll keep you lifted in prayer daily and especially for times such as these. You have the strength of those who love you to keep you going!
Love you,
Schlaine