Life Gets Tough

The past few weeks have been a little challenging for me. My new medication changes have been difficult and Ray and I seem to have fallen into a little slump with our moods. Plus, my walking buddy and dear friend is on vacation and I haven't gotten to walk and talk regularly.

In just His way, God provided these words to me yesterday in my devotional time:

"There is a reason for your season of heaviness. Great soldiers are not made without war. Skillful sailors are not trained on the shore. It appears that if you are to become a great believer, you will be greatly tested. If you are to be a great helper to others, you must pass through their trials. If you are to be instructed in the things of the kingdom, you must learn from experience. The uncut diamond has little brilliance, the unthreshed corn feeds no one, and the untried believer is of little use or beauty. There are great benefits to come from your trials. Many people have a comparatively smooth path through life, but their position is not the equal of the tested believer. The one who is much plowed and often harrowed will thank God if the result is a larger harvest to the praise and glory of God. If your face is now covered with sorrow, the time will come when you will bless God for that sorrow. The day will come when you will see great gain from your losses, your crosses, your troubles, and your afflictions.

From all your afflictions His glory shall spring,

And the deeper your sorrows the louder you'll sing."

One of my college classmates passed away last week. He had been diagnosed with brain cancer in 2007. My heart broke for his family and friends, but I love the way everyone has remembered the incredible spirit he had throughout his life. I am hoping the some day, people will also be able to think of me in that light. So, although there are days that I struggle with my illness, there are also days when I am so thankful for the blessings that are in my life. My husband, family, and friends have been such an encouragement to me and I am so thankful to be a part of their lives. So, if you know someone who is sick or hurting, take a few extra minutes out of your day to call them, visit them, mow their yard, make them dinner, bring them flowers, etc. Remember that Christ said, "Love one another as I have loved you. By this will all men know that you are mine, if you have love for one another all the time."

Why?

Each day seems to bring with it a chance to ask why. A chance to wonder why one person's life is so different from another's. A dear friend called me last week and was telling me that they are unable to have children without surgery. Some of my friends and family haven't been blessed with a spouse to share their life with. Several friends and family have financial or career struggles. And some of my friends and family are living with illness.

It is so easy to fall into the "why me" trap. I find I have to remind myself daily of the many blessings that surround me each day. How happy I have been and how many things I have in my life (like friends that will help us build a deck, friends that walk with me every day and drive me around, and families that constantly encourage me). I am convinced that because our struggles are so difficult, I often forget to be grateful for the wonderful people in my life. Thank you to everyone who has given of themselves in my life!

My Mom said something to me last night that will forever be one of the most precious statements anyone has ever made to me. She told me that she often wonders why the devil wants me out of the world so badly. As a baby, the doctors said I would never make it, but at the last minute, God pulled me through, same as this last year. It's comforting to think that God has protected me and has His hand on my life. I pray that each of you will experience His will in your life so that you can feel that same comfort and joy.

Well, I am happy to report that after having an episode of V-Tach (fluttering of my heart) last week, my medication has been adjusted and I am finally feeling better. It took about a week and a half to adjust to the change in medication (the heart meds make me so tired and light headed that I constantly feel like I am going to pass out or throw up) but now I feel stronger and my heart pump numbers are good. Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers. I have a doctor's appointment today at OSU but am not really anticipating anything too exciting. LOL