Well, the surgery date is drawing near... Thursday morning at 6. Yes, that's early, but hey, I don't get to pick the time. :-) Although I am so excited to have the heart pump removed, I am not looking forward to the surgery. However, Ray and I drove out to Mt Vernon last night (where we met and went to college). We spent some wonderful time together praying for peace in the huge chapel. It was amazing, no one there but Ray and I and God. We laughed, we cried, and we prayed for strength and peace. We cannot say thank you enough to everyone who has showered us in prayers. So, as the day is drawing near we are trying to do what we can to be ready.
We had a wonderful weekend with friends and family preparing to welcome my newest nephew into the world. They baby shower for my little sister's firstborn was so fun. It was at a park and the weather was beautiful, except for the crazy wind that kept blowing everything over. LOL! But everyone made the best of it. It was an amazing weekend and so distracting for me to think of her all weekend instead of this surgery. Ray and I are trying to do ANYTHING we can to distract ourselves. LOL!
I have found some comfort in knowing that one of my doctors is a believer and that he will be in the operating room with me. Although I have not been too distracted by the "what ifs" that can happen during such an intense surgery, I do have my share of fears that I am praying God will give me the strength to overcome.
Sorry to post a long one today, but there are a few things I have been wanting to share out here. First, is what an incredible family I have. As you can imagine, Ray has gone through every step of my illness with me. In the beginning I had tons of guilt that I was forcing Ray to take the life of a caretaker of a critically ill patient instead of the life of a young married couple. One day, he came home and told me that he found his purpose in life in taking care of me and that it made him into a person that he was proud to be. I am also so proud of the level of growth and maturity he has gained through this time. I am sure God handpicked us for each other.
Also, my mom, dad, brother (Tim), and sisters (Amy, Nikki, Lesley, Janie) have been amazing throughout this time. Their wisdom, strength, and self-sacrifice have been inspiring me to be tougher through the pain. And to remember that I am affecting others' lives.
Although many of my friends and extended family have been amazingly supportive throughout my illness, two of my friends have become real soul mates. Annie has visited regularly, cooked meals, made phone calls, helped us build a deck, and assisted me in many of my endeavors lately. But more than that, she has always stood behind me reminding me of who I was, and who I can be again. Often times I doubt that I still have the character traits that I used to before the illness, but she often reminds me that I can still be that person, only better. Thanks for all you do.
And I would be remiss not to end this post telling everyone about Angie. When I got home from the hospital in January, I prayed for a companion while Ray was at work all day. Angie was my answer to prayer. She now walks with me EVERY afternoon. I know she is a huge reason I have been so faithful in my exercises and diet. She is a wonderful walking buddy (because she can talk about anything in the world and never runs out of things to discuss. So, when I am too tired to talk, she will carry the conversation. That is a blessing when you are tired and it makes our walks go by so quickly.). Angie also picks me up each week and takes me to the hospital for a heart pump and transplant support group. She has joined me in special visits and meals for the patients there. She has a real heart to nurture and encourage and I don't think anyone could be more likable than her. She has become a very dear friend.
There is a verse my sister Lesley shared with me years ago that I am trying to meditate on, as this surgery has become more of a psychological battle than my last ones. "He will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is steadfast on Him."
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