Desire of Our Hearts

These are my three newest nephews (Liam, Gabe, and William). I'm sure I am biased, but they are the sweetest and cutest babies I have ever met. I have spent hours lately holding, feeding, entertaining, and just staring at these little ones. They have already found a special place in my heart.

A few years ago, having a child was one of the greatest desires of my heart. Ray and I prayed and prayed that God would bless us with a little one. We took hormones, did testing, regularly visited the doctor, etc., but we were never able to get pregnant. I even remember praying once that God would teach me whatever He wanted me to learn from the wait so that I could hurry up and get pregnant. LOL! (Patience is not my strongest virtue.)

Now, through God's grace, I have accepted that motherhood may not be a possibility in my life. Although my heart has healed some, I am still in heart failure and having babies is extremely hard on your heart. As for adoption, with my "terminal condition" it would be extremely difficult to get a child. Now I know that if God wants to fulfill this desire in my life, He will. But in the past year when I have watched my younger sister get pregnant before me, God has lessened my desire to be pregnant and made my heart content with being an aunt.

Sometimes when we get a desire in our hearts, it is hard to see all the other blessings we have in our life. And I am so thankful to learn that desires of our heart can change with time and circumstances. So, if your stuck waiting for a desire that you feel you won't be fulfilled if you don't see to fruition, give it time. You never know how your life will change, which will cause your desires to change with it.

In the end, Ray and I are surrounded with 15 nieces and nephews, lots of friends with little ones, and tons of extended family with babies. God surrounded us with children everywhere we turn, and we are so thankful for those blessings in our life.

P.S. My recovery is going wonderfully. I have very little pain, am able to do a little cooking and cleaning, and am still exercising every day. My rib was not broken, it was just cartilage (or scar tissue) that tore, but it has already mostly healed. So... I am now relatively normal! (No one believes that! LOL)