Your Heart Beats to its Own Rhythm

Do you ever sit and listen to your heart beat? (I'm not sure if you don't have heart disease if you can hear your heart beat?) But when I lay down to go to sleep at night, not only do I sit and listen to my heart, but I can see my chest rise and fall (maybe because my heart is enlarged). Some times this is very comforting; however, most of the time it will do a little flip flop or hard beat. It's like in the scary movies where the music is comforting and relaxing and then the bad guy jumps out.

It's funny how I have now had this illness for over a year and a half and I still get shaken by little reminders from my heart. Anyone else have a problem like that where it just seems to keep coming back at you. I feel like I have to deal with my fear over and over and over and over again.

Although it hasn't been a quick lesson for me, I am slowly learning to not panic when my heart flip flops. To not stay stiff and still for an hour after I feel my heart flutter. To not pass up opportunities to go out and live when I am afraid because my heart is beating hard. Seems like an elementary lesson, but it is so hard to overcome fear.

This season has been a really wonderful one for Ray and I. We have had so much fun shopping with friends, having dinner with loved ones, taking my nieces to the nutcracker, making cookies with my mom (ok, she made them and I watched), playing wii with my dad and cousin, and visiting with lots of wonderful people. And to top it all of, I DON'T HAVE TO PLUG INTO THE WALL ANYMORE!! That's right, I am machine free! What a great Christmas blessing!!! Peace and love to you during this season.