Minor Surgery... There is Such a Thing

Sorry this post is a little late getting out. Suffice it to say we were in a whirlwind the last few weeks and didn't get a chance to get this blog updated.

As you may remember, in September I had minor surgery to remove my disolvable stitches that my body was attacking. The wound from the surgery did not heal and a few weeks ago I had another scan, which revealed ANOTHER pocket of fluid. So, after another week and a half in the hospital and another minor surgery, I think I am finally on the mend!!

It's funny to say minor surgery because any time you go under the knife, the same emotions and fear hit you. But I have found that when I compared it to my open-heart surgeries, it was much easier to endure.

When you have an illness, after a while, you get tired of being sick all the time. You just want a little respite from it. But that's the nature of illness... there is no respite. There is never one second of any day when you don't have it. So, you learn to cope. I have been coping with these little setbacks by remembering how far I have come and how much worse it could be. :-) And I count my blessings daily.

Oh, and thanks to my fabulous anesthesiologist, I was the talk of the hospital after my surgery. (Apparently he added a little laughing gas to my concoction, which I responded to quite well.) And NO - there are no videos or pictures. :-) Guess I don't hold my anesthesia very well! LOL!!

Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers. My friends and family have been such a blessing through this time. Thank you for not making me do this on my own and for being such an upliftment in a dreary time.

Not-Transplant Birthday

01/11/10 was a day in our lives that we will never forget. After spending over a week in the hospital, I was preparing to be released at 9 am when the transplant team came into my room. They asked, "How'd you like to get a new heart today?" After having been told a transplant was my best chance at survival, but knowing it would entail literally having my heart cut out and a new one placed in me, I was overwhelmed.

It was a day fraught with every emotion imaginable. I was scared; I was angry; I was excited; I was scared; I was nervous; I was overwhelmed; I was scared; I was anxious; I was ... you get the picture.

There was some comfort that day in knowing one of my friends would be my anesthesiologist. There was also great comfort in the staff that had become my friends and a huge encouragement. But most of all, I found peace in the strength of my family and friends that gathered at the hospital with me to love me, encourage me, and to pray with me.

Most of you know that 11 hours later (after a crazy and hectic day) I was wheeled to surgery. I was at perfect peace knowing that if I didn't get up off the table, God would take care of my loved ones better than I could and that I would be in a better place. That kind of peace can only come from the assurance that whatever road God takes you down, you will willingly go.

It is difficult to think back about that day. And yet, I am so thankful for the blessings that came that day as well. For you see, when I awoke a few hours after being wheeled to surgery and learned that my own heart was healing and that I didn't need the transplant after all, I simply had to thank God for the gift. It felt to me that God had reached down through the pain that we had gone through and given us all a big hug. Words cannot describe the closeness and love that I felt to the Lord at that time. I don't know why He chose to heal me at that time, but I trust Him and thank Him for each day He has given me since.

So, a year later, I am sitting here feeling fairly healthy and counting the many blessings I have had in the past year. This holiday season was one that taught me how valuable each one of my loved ones are and how they affect everyone around them. How much light one life can bring to any relationship. How important each individual can be.

I truly hope that none of you have to lay on the operating table to receive a miracle, but I do wish that everyone could know what it is like to feel that you are so loved by God that He would do anything to let you know that He is always watching over you - even in your darkest hour.

One more thing - become an organ donor. Because although the thought of something happening to you is scary, it is inevitable and you may be able to give a very precious gift to someone else - LIFE!

Tears for Fears

Last week I was speaking with someone who has recently had a heart transplant. She has become near and dear to my heart. It was interesting though, every time I thought of her I was amazed by how much strength and wisdom she displayed despite what she was going through. Then when we were talking she was disclosing how painful and difficult the illness was and how she always felt she wanted to present herself as strong and courageous for those around her who love her and feel her pain. But she was tired and hurting. I TOTALLY understood. Some times when we are dealing with difficult situations and pain, we hide our true suffering - not because we don't want to appear weak, but to spare those we love from feeling our pain.

It made me think of all those around me who are daily dealing with all kinds of struggles and pains. And it made me realize that most people (those who aren't cry babies) will be masking their tears and fears. They will be trying to navigate their lives as best they can without putting added burdens on others.

The problem of course is that we need others - and most of all - we need God. So, the next time I get impatient with someone or angry that they aren't performing at their best, I will try to stop and realize that maybe they have tears and fears that are hidden from the world but very real to them. AND I will pray daily for the encouragement from God to make it through my own struggles and those of the people I love. (And that includes you!)