Where Should Life Take You

It must be because it is graduation time, but it seems that everyone is talking about the future.  Who they want to be, what they want to do, where they want to go, etc.  The future is still a difficult subject for those of us that have been diagnosed with Heart Failure.  It looms ominously in front of us, teasing and taunting us.  We all want to be able to look into the future and pick our outcomes, but sometimes there is very little we can do to control it.

I remember one summer in college I was interning at our local newspaper.  Being the intern, I was the bottom of the barrel and no one gave me a second glance.  It just so happened that the paper had adopted a new software system and I was able to pick it up quickly.  As my bosses started to notice and give me more responsibility, I noticed that my co-workers started to acknowledge me.  They even started listening to what I had to say, professionally and personally.  It was that summer when God placed a very strong calling on my life.  He whispered in my ear that He needed people to do well at business so that we could reach others who did well at business.  He taught me that if I worked hard and performed well, people would listen to what I had to say.  For the next ten years, I saw this future unfold in my life.

Now, four years after stopping working because of my heart failure, I am left wondering yet again what the future will hold.  Actually, I more often find myself wondering if there will be a future.  You see, when you have your future ripped from you at a young age by the diagnosis of a terminal illness, you start living each day as your last.  As I have healed, I have found myself being able to start thinking of the future again, but I am always reminded of how painful the ripping of my future was and am afraid to plan again.  But how can you live life to the fullest without making plans for the future.

For me, the doctors are still saying no working.  As I have shared on here, my husband and I are working on becoming foster parents. These are futuristic variables that I have control over.  Everything beyond this is unknown.  I have been overwhelmed with all the possibilities in life.  So, this weekend I was very encouraged when the Lord reminded me that He is still in control and that all I need to do is open my mind to His will and sit back and watch as He opens doors for me.  He will guide and direct if I will just stop trying to sit in the driver's seat.  And there is comfort in knowing that He has a plan for me and my life.