Giving Thanks - Nov 8

Several years ago, after Ray and I had been married a few years, we got that longing in our hearts to start a family. We tried for years to get pregnant, tried hormones, tests, prayer, etc. I remember sitting in the car on the way to work one morning and praying, "Lord, I know you want to teach me something through this time of waiting; so go ahead. I am ready and willing and listening to anything you have to say to me, just hurry up so I can have a baby." Thinking back on that, all I can do is shake my head. Because although I didn't get pregnant (and can now never get pregnant) God heard my prayer. He answered my prayer by saying no. At the time, I had no idea that if He'd have answered my prayers, it would literally have killed me due to my failing heart.

Now, years later, Ray and I are still mourning not having children (I know, I know, this is supposed to be a post about thanksgiving - be patient, I am just giving some background into why I am so thankful). But as usual, God heard our prayers. He answered our hurting hearts by surrounding us with 20 nieces/nephews (so far) and several close friends. We are constantly encircled by crowds of little ones. We have a permanent stack of toys on our hearth for our little visitors. And I have been able to be a part of the families of my loved ones.  In fact, just yesterday I was rocking a newborn baby to sleep. (BTW I had to change his poopy diaper too. Now that's real life!) We are constantly taking trips to the zoo, fairs, playgrounds, parks, making cookies, playing games, and tons and tons of birthday parties.

Ray and I have found that we have been so blessed by all the little lives around us, and we are so very thankful for each one!

Giving Thanks - Nov 1

The idea of giving thanks after receiving a gift is a time-honored tradition in this month:

And who am I to break tradition. :-p Lately I have been trying to focus on all the things that I am thankful for, and at times I have been overwhelmed by the wonderful gifts in my life. So, this entire month I am going to try to write as often as I can about what I am thankful for... I hope you will do the same. (Notice I am not committing to every day. LOL)

As I was reflecting on November this morning and of course - THANKSGIVING - I couldn't help but think of Thanksgiving Day two years ago. I was in the hospital (and had been there for four months). Ray and I laid together in the hospital bed watching the Macy's Day parade, which is fun no matter where you are!! Then, another patient brought in lunch for the families in the hospital that day. What a treat! Then, the doctors came in and told me that although I had to promise to come back, they would allow me to leave and have dinner with my family. I remember it was 3:17 when I walked into my mom's house. My Mom, Dad, little sister Amy and hubby Derek, brother Tim, older sister Nikki and hubby Dave and four kids were all seated around the table. At first glance I felt sadness at the way life continues on after we are gone - but then I looked closer. Several of my loved ones were sad but they were trying to lighten the mood with conversation. And when Ray and I walked in and saw their faces, they began both crying and rejoicing that we were all together. (Where are those tissues?) See, they didn't forget us, they were trying to focus on the blessing they had of being able to be together, even if they were missing part of their family. And I truly cherished their attitudes that day that in the midst of trials, they could find joy. The Bible says, "Give thanks in ALL circumstances." I truly believe (and I know my family does as well) that there is good to be found at all times, even when we have to dig deep to find it. And if we can just keep that good at the center of our minds, we live in a constant state of not only gratitude, but joy.

Boy, some memories are hard to write... it's like living them again. But today, I am so thankful that I am sitting in my own chair, at my own computer, sharing my thoughts with you and not in the best hospital in the world!!! Thanks for listening.

Does the Scale Lie?

Let me give you a glimpse of how I feel lately:

Since June, I have been able to go to the gym three times a week and do a full "cardiac rehabilitation", which is just a fancy term for working out like a dog. A typical workout for me includes 30 min on the treadmill, 20 on a rowing machine, and 20 on an elliptical. And so far, I have GAINED 8 pounds!!!!

The real struggle is that when you have a heart condition, the doctors are extremely concerned about your weight. And I feel constantly defeated when you are working so hard to lose weight and you are actually gaining. I know I know, everyone is thinking it is muscle weight. And that maybe so. But it is difficult when the doctors are so concerned about weight.

It is not that unlike lots of our struggles - we put our hand to the grinder and try not to look back but for some reason we have such a hard time letting go. Anyway, I have been reciting the verse to myself that reminds me to think and dwell on good and noble thoughts (i.e. whatever is pure, whatever is good, whatever is noteworthy). Is pizza noteworthy? LOL!

One Year Celebration!!

One year ago today, I was being wheeled into the Operating Room for my second open-heart surgery. This surgery brought with it fear, anxiety, and a knowing of how tough the recovery would be and how much pain was to come afterwards because I had already had the surgery once before. But we were celebrating this time because out of the pain came a new chance at life.

After spending over a year with a machine pumping my blood, plugging into the wall to charge my mechanical heart, wrapping myself in saran wrap to take a shower, pricking my finger every other day to test my blood thinness, doing sterile dressing changes every other day, getting the cord coming out of my stomach stuck on cabinets, do I need to keep going on? After all these struggles came the celebration that my time of difficulty had brought forth an opportunity for rest, growth, and strength.

God healed my heart during that trying time and one year ago today as I was being wheeled into surgery, I was already celebrating my life without the pump!! Although those first few months after the surgery were hard, it was also exciting.

Ray and I have been learning a song that we are going to share soon. It was brought to our attention through friends who have watched our journey and indicated that this song reflects our testimony. I hope you find the meaning in it the way we have. (Or maybe that you can find the meaning in it without having to find it the way we did. :-)

We pray for blessings, We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things


'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise


We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe


'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise


When friends betray us, When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home


'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching(s) of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

Channel 10 News Broadcast

The news did a short blip on our story last night. Praise to God for the gift of life and being our Great Healer!

News Broadcast

Caretaker's Shield

This morning I am preparing to go on vacation with my mom and sisters. Although I can't tell you how thankful I am for the memories we will create in this precious time together, I am also mourning leaving Ray for over a week. It hit me by surprise how much comfort and security I have from being under his care and how nervous I am to leave.

Caretakers do so much that we don't realize. And because Ray worries enough for the both of us, it frees me to live a little more carefree. He double checks everything, always ensures I have taken my pills, is constantly monitoring my diet and exercise, but most of all he always has a watchful eye on how I am feeling. When I get down, he makes me laugh. It is comforting knowing he is always there.

So, as I said goodbye to him this morning I was reminded of how much more my heavenly Father watches over me; orchestrating my every need and helping me to grow, even when it seems the pain will never end.

So, for those of us that have caretakers - THANK YOU for all you do. You are the true heroes in my book. Because without you, the fight would be so difficult. So, pamper yourselves this week. Because your happiness means so much to us.

Stress Management

As part of my cardiac rehab, I attend a short class each week. The last two weeks have been on stress management and relaxation.

As I reflect on stress in my life, I have been amazed to realize that before my heart failure, I had an extreme amount of stress; however, since my heart failure, Ray and I have slowed our life's pace and have very little stress. What I find interesting is that we are just as fulfilled now as we were when we had a million commitments and activities.

After further thought, it occurred to me that perhaps my co-workers, my family, my friends, my fellow heart disease sufferers, doctors, nurses, pastors, etc. may benefit from a little "stress break" as well. So here are a few lessons learned on how to adjust your thinking and help form a healthier heart:

• CHANGE YOUR THINKING
• IDENTIFY DISTORTIONS -
• all or nothing thinking (if the situation is not perfect, it is a failure),
• overgeneralization (a single negative event is a pattern of defeat),
• mental filter (dwell on a single negative detail),
• disqualifying the positive (don't count the positive),
• jumping to conclusions (no one does that right?),
• magnification or minimization,
• emotional reasoning (I feel it, therefore it must be true),
• should statements (also includes musts and ought tos),
• labeling and mislabeling (I'm a loser, he's a turd)
• personalization (see yourself as a cause when you were not primarily responsible)
• STRAIGHTFORWARD APPROACH - substitute a more positive and realistic thought.
• COST-BENEFIT ANALYSIS - list the advantages and disadvantages of a negative feeling, thought, belief, or behavior.
• EXAMINE THE EVIDENCE - what are the facts? what does the data really show?
• SURVEY METHOD - do a survey to find out if your thoughts and attitudes line up with what other people think and fee.
• DOUBLE STANDARD - talk to yourself in the same compassionate way you might talk to a dear friend who was upset.
• ACCEPTANCE - instead of defending yourself against your own self-criticisms, find truth in them and accept them. Then try to change them.
• CLARIFY YOUR VALUES AND PRIORITIES
• You don't have to do everything you are asked to do
• Trim out time-fillers
• Make time for the things that matter most
• EXERCISE
• HAVE FUN/LEISURE/LEARN
• How did you have fun when you were a kid? Why not recreate?
• Too much work and no play make for a dismal attitude.
• Try new activities and get out of your normal routine.
• RELAX
• Any point in your day when you realize you are flying a million miles a minute, stop and take a deep, deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth (this includes when you are stuck in rush hour traffic)
• Take time to stretch your muscles throughout the day
• Turn off the radio, computer, tv and anything else that is noisy and soak in the quiet for at least 15 minutes a day to let yourself unwind and find your focus

Just thought some of these suggestions would do us all some good. Love and peace to you.

Heart Walk on August 27th

Every summer there seem to be quite a few walks to help raise awareness and money for different organizations. While I admire and am thankful for the work that several of these organizations do, I have decided that I would really like to help support the American Heart Association (AHA). The AHA is having a walk in downtown Columbus on August 27th in the Nationwide district. I would LOVE to have my family and friends walk with me and to help raise funds for this organization!

The AHA was extremely helpful to me when I first learned of my heart failure. The day after we found out about the heart failure, Ray threw out every piece of salt in our kitchen and bought the AHA cookbook. Over the past 2 years, we have mastered several excellent low-sodium recipes from this book. I also used the AHA website to do a lot of research on heart health. Also, I am sure that you notice the AHA seal of approval on many of the food products you buy.

One last thought about the AHA; heart failure is scary and it was difficult to work our way through the feelings of fear and terror; however, the AHA website helped remind us that we weren't alone in our struggle and that we could help lift each other up when we were feeling overwhelmed. Great organization! If you would like to join our team, go to the website and register or make a donation. It is very appreciated.

BTW, am feeling wonderful lately. Got the doctor to lower some of my meds, which has allowed my blood pressure to come up a little, which makes me feel a little less tired. YEAH! Am keeping busy with rehab, volunteering, church work, etc. and am really loving the summer (except that I start dripping sweat when I walk outside due to the 100% humidity and 90 degrees). Of course I have made time to spend at the pool with my mom and sisters as well. :-) Thanks for your love and support.

The Need is Constant. The Gratification is Instant. Give Blood!

Today as I was on my way home, I passed a blood drive. It made me stop and breathe thanks for the people who are so willing to donate. There was a time when I received several units of blood in the hospital that litterally saved my life. Somoeone else's sacrifices literally changed the course of my life.

When you are asked to give blood or see a Blood Drive announcement, I am sure the first thing that runs through your mind is the needle that will have to be inserted to facilitate the giving. However, I hope your second thought could be that you may have just saved someone's life because you were selfless enough to take time to give. You are someone's hero and now you know someone who has personally been saved because people gave. Please consider giving. :-)

http://www.redcrossblood.org/

Loss is Hard

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: Ecclesiastes 3:1-3

From the first day I was diagnosed, we became acutely aware of how common it is that some people are having another ordinary day while we were having life-changing hardships laid on us. And some times it feels like our mourning and sadness will go on for an eternity; however, this verse (also a Beatles song that I like to sing) remind me that the difficulties only last for a season and that we can be assured a better day is coming.

Yesterday we lost another member of our support group. This makes several this year. And the news came on the toes of some great news for another of our members. As I was speaking with the family of the member with the good news, we couldn't help but discuss how discouraging the road seemed. It was then that I was reminded of Peter walking on the water. See, he stepped out of the boat on faith, which took a lot of trust. But when he did, the waves got bigger and the storm more horrible. It made Peter take his eyes off of Jesus and begin to sink. Some times I feel our situations begin to flare just when we think we have stepped out in faith. They take our eyes and focus from where they will find rest and peace.

So the real daily challenge is to get our focus, our efforts, our daily tasks, our words, our deeds, our finances, all of our daily happenings to be fixed on the One who can take all of our messes, our storms, our disappointments, and our fears and make them into something beautiful.

RIP those who we love who have gone on before us. Our hearts are with you and your families.

Cardiac Rehab

Just a quick update about starting cardiac rehab. Last week I had a VO2 stress test where they hooked me up to monitors and ran me on a treadmill. I scored a 21.7, which is a few points better than the last one I had in Aug 2010. So, that was encouraging.

This week I have gone to cardiac rehab 3 times. They hook you up to a heart monitor and then take you through a good aerobic routine. It was surprising to me how scientific the calculations were for coming up with the targeted heart rate and exercise routines. They took the results of the stress test, combined with weight, age, etc. and the results of my cholesterol and blood screenings to come up with the goals. I have been impressed with how much I have learned in my first week.

Also, there is a short class each week to teach various heart healthy topics. This week focused on fat and cholesterol. A few things I learned:

You can eat as many egg whites/egg substitutes as you want; however, you should only have 3 whole eggs a week.

The three commonly used items with the highest concentration of saturated fat are butter, sour cream, and cheese. (Who doesn't use cheese on almost every dish?)

They recommend you use olive oil for cooking and grinding up flax seed and using it as butter. I am going to try it, but I'm a little skeptical on how it will taste... Stay tuned.

Having finished my first week, I feel great... and crazy tired. I may just lay around the rest of the day and try to catch up on a little rest. I suggest you do the same (even if you aren't in heart failure). :-)

Salt Snapper #1

The men in my support group at OSU often "lovingly" call me the Salt Queen. Although they are teasing me, I know they appreciate the salt tips I often find from reading, shopping, cooking, etc. They have been encouraging me to share some of my tips to everyone, so I will try to start regularly putting salt tips and recipes out here.

When talking about salt, I am happy to see such an awareness of salt in our country coming to light. We have a long way to go, but at least companies are beginning to try to cut the salt. (Here is an interesting article: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/43143369/ns/business-consumer_news/) The article states that companies are hesitant to find a lower sodium product because people think it will sacrifice taste. But I argue, if they spice and cook alternatively, there shouldn't be a sacrifice in taste; however, you can't argue that most people hear the words "lower sodium" and think "lower taste." So, we have a long way to go. :-)

Salt tip #1 - for the cheese lovers out there, buy SWISS cheese because it is significantly less sodium than other brands. Stay away from American cheese at all costs. And if you are in need of shredded cheese, buy the cheese in a block and shred it yourself. Although it is more work and a little of a mess, you will save yourself a significant amount of sodium.

Pain Pills

An article came out last week that I thought was ironic.  The title of the article read, "Even a Few Pain Pills May Be Unsafe in Heart Disease."  The opening line read, "Some anti-inflammatory painkillers are known to increase heart risks, and new findings from more than 83,000 people suggest that even a couple of days of treatment can be dangerous in people with a history of heart problems." 

When I was first diagnosed with heart failure, I was put on the typical regime for heart patients: beta blockers, diuretics, and an Ace Inhibitor.  The Ace (many people take this as their blood pressure pill) actually gave me restless legs. So my doctors tried several pain meds but finally settled on having me take Motrin.  For those of you that know anything about heart failure, you know one of the worst symptoms is swelling.  The Motrin actually caused my entire body to swell up and put me in the hospital.  When questioned why I would be taking a drug that made my heart failure worse, my doctors indicated that they needed to treat the pain.

My story has a good ending.  They finally took me off the Ace because my heart actually got too bad.  Once they took me off, I have never had another problem with my legs. Praise God!  Isn't it interesting though that some times we have to use something to treat our problems by embracing another choice that may hurt us in another way... There is a life lesson to learn here. :-)

Here is the link to the article if you are interested:  http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/05/18/us-even-few-pain-pills-be-unsafe-heart-d-idUSTRE74H72U20110518

Ray and I have been doing great.  I cannot tell you how thankful we are for each day.  I get overwhelmed when I think of all the things I would have missed if God would have taken me home last year.  I am so blessed for each day with my family and friends.

This week I will be meeting with someone to discuss cardiac rehab.  Like every other heart patient, my doctor is on to me about losing weight and exercising more, but not to stress my heart. LOL! So, the rehab may be just what the doctor ordered.  But I find any time you start something new, there is an element of fear involved.  But as my Pastor said this weekend, fear is man made and keeps us from accomplishing what God has in store for us.  So, I will press on.  Thanks for your thoughts and prayers.

Experimental Procedures

There has been quite a bit of trials and research conducted in the last several years to try to help treat heart failure. There seems to be quite a bit of interest focused around using one's own cells from their bone marrow to create new cell growth. This sounds so logical to me but the research seems to be facing quite a bit of scrutiny. What do you think?

Here is a good article if you would like to check it out:  http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/741096

When You're Sick... You Need Your Mom

My mom has been with me through some rough times. And it seems in every situation, she knows just what to do (even when you get meat stuck up your nose). For the longest time I thought it came from her mother's intuition, but I have come to learn that her wisdom and grace are from years of experience.

When I got the diagnosis of heart failure, my mom was with me. She didn't try to candy coat it or lighten the mood, she just cried with me and reminded me that no matter our struggles in life, we must face them with grace and strength. She stayed with me through sleepless nights, she spent nights with me in the hospital, she cooked for me, she always brought me goodies to the hospital, and she always encouraged me to be strong.

There is always something about my mom's presence that gives me strength. When she would come to visit me, she would sit quietly and crochet or read (that's code for take a nap) and wouldn't make me talk unless I was feeling up to it. She constantly encouraged me to deal with the pain gracefully, not to complain too much, and to do everything possible to get better. My mom has many physical ailments herself, but she never complains about them - in fact, she doesn't really talk about them. She goes for treatments given through IV over 3 hours, but she doesn't make a big deal of it. She is tough. And she inspired me throughout my illness to keep that attitude of dealing with our problems with grace and dignity... and most importantly, with prayer.

You know I could go on and on about her, but I think I made my point. When you get sick, you need your mom around!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM! I love you.

Happy 30th Love!

If you have ever had an extended illness, you know what a blessing it is to have someone to love and care for you through the tough times. The last few years have been no exception for us, and I cannot begin to tell you what a blessing Ray has been through this time. When I couldn't walk, he set up a table and entertainment for me in the living room; when I couldn't eat salt, he and mom and sisters began cooking low sodium recipes; when I couldn't sleep, he stayed awake all hours of the night trying to console me; when I had hospital stays, he slept in a recliner next to my bed at the hospital; when I was wheeled into surgeries, his face was always the first I saw when I woke up; when I had wounds, he did daily dressing changes (oh wait, we are STILL doing those); when I cried, he cried with me. Better than that, was when I was able to walk again, when I took my first shower on my own, when I was able to cook dinner, when I began to clean the house again, when I wanted to direct the choir, and as I am preparing to return to work - he has celebrated each victory with me.

Throughout my illness, I have been amazed at the depth of our relationship. Awed at how sacrificial love (especially in a time of need) has empowered me to keep fighting through the pain and victories. I am certain of how blessed I am through our marriage.

Often times throughout my illness the guilt of placing such stress on my family has been difficult. Making Ray live the life of a caretaker instead of a normal 29 year old weighs oft weighs heavy on my mind; however, I cannot begin to express how proud of Ray I am and the person that he has become through this illness. And I know those close to us would agree.

Unless we have been a caretaker, we surely can't know what a difficult road they walk. They deal with all the stress and problems and also have to protect their loved ones from additional hardships by taking extra burdens on themselves. If you know someone who is taking care of a sick one, give them a hug. I guarantee they are dealing with more than you can imagine. And I am so thankful that people love so much in their hearts that they are willing to sacrifice their own comfort to care for someone else. They are our true blessings!

Steadfast Mind

This week at the transplant/LVAD group at the hospital, we were trying to encourage some new members who are going through a very difficult time. They were asking us how we were able to get through the long times in the hospital, multiple surgeries and procedures, and the fear that all of it would be for nothing if we didn't make it through.

As I was reflecting back (as I am feeling amazing now and am just thanking God daily for His healing) I was amazed once again at the way God's steady hand held us each day. There was a verse that my sister sent me at the beginning of my illness that I meditated on regularly: "He will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is steadfast on Him." When Ray and I felt overwhelmed or when we would begin to fear surgeries or procedures, we would stop our minds from thinking of anything but His love and grace.

I suspect that this "steadying of the mind" holds true no matter what trial or obstacle you are facing. Instead of worrying, or having anxiety, pray for peace, strength and wisdom to get through your trial with grace and dignity. He is always faithful.

Fish Oil?

Last night I did a little reading about fish oil. You always hear everyone talking about how healthy it is to eat fish (especially for the heart). However, I have not found a fish that I like. My reading from a study last night concluded that eating fish just one time per week lowered the risk of a cardiac event by 42%. That is significant.

Many of you reading this naturally then think, what about fish oil supplements? Well, there are some effects of fish oil that require me to have to discuss it with my doctors before attempting the supplements. For instance, fish oil thins the blood... so be careful if you are on blood thinners (including aspirin). And I didn't really find a lot of research on taking fish oil regularly. Anyone else have thoughts?

So, I have been letting my husband cook fresh fish periodically. I have found that if he coats it in walnuts or pecans, the nutty taste seems to overpower that "fishy" taste. I can't say that I like eating fish, but some times you have to do what's best for your heart. LOL!

A Psalm for Sunday Morning

"Have compassion on me, LORD, for I am weak.
Heal me, LORD, for my bones are in agony.
I am sick at heart.
How long, O LORD, until you restore me?

Return, O LORD, and rescue me.
Save me because of your unfailing love.
For the dead do not remember you.
Who can praise you from the grave?

I am worn out from sobbing.
All night I flood my bed with weeping,
drenching it with my tears.
My vision is blurred by grief;
my eyes are worn out because of all my enemies.

Go away all you who do evil,
for the LORD has heard my weeping.
The LORD has heard my plea;
The LORD will answer my prayer."
Psalm 7

This week our support group lost a very dear friend. Also, several of my friends are in the hospital, discouraged, or have lost loved ones this week. If there is one thing I have learned through my illness, it is the depth of God's love for us. Something about grief and suffering make us think God has abandoned us or that He is punishing us... but I know the opposite to be true. He is teaching us, molding us, and loving us as a father does when he instructs his children. We cannot possibly know the entire picture of what is going on, but we can always trust that God loves us so deeply, and that He always has the situation in His hands. I know grief and suffering are hard, but learn to trust in His love.

The hardest part about dieing for me was wondering what would happen to Ray. And it wasn't until I realized that God loved Ray more than I did that I had peace. Not only does God love him more, but He is so much more capable of watching over his life. Trust God and trust in His love for you, especially during the most difficult times in life.

CAT Scan Dangers

Since my surgery last September to remove my LVAD, I have had some problems with my sternum healing up and have had some pockets of fluid popping up. Because of the fluid, I have had four CAT (or CT) scans in the past several months. In my reading, I have been surprised by how much radiation one is exposed to in one scan. I have been researching this issue a little and am flabbergasted by what I am finding. Apparently, the risk of developing cancer later in life is exponentially increased by the radiation, especially because I am a young woman.

So it all comes down to risk verse benefits. My damaged heart is certainly a more immediate concern than cancer down the line... because without a healthier heart, I won't make it to "down the line." However, do you think the medical community should be doing a better job of educating us on the risks of this procedure? In my researching, I found quite a few articles from doctors warning that we are going to have a cancer epidemic on our hands because of the overuse of this useful scan. Anyone else have any thoughts or wisdom on the subject?

Heart Education

This week a dear friend of mine lost the battle with her heart. It is with a heavy heart that I have decided to start using this blog to educate people on the importance of a heart healthy lifestyle. Please know that I do this because I care for each of you and want you to get the most out of your life.

I am currently reading a book entitled, "The Great American Heart Hoax" that was written by a cardiologist, Dr. Ozner. He wrote something that stopped me in my tracks. Before you read it, can I ask you, are you taking any heart meds? Any blood pressure meds? Cholesterol meds? Pain meds?

A study published by Harvard-based researchers in the New England

Journal of Medecine concluded that lifestyle changes (diet, exercise, etc.)

are capable of reducing cardiovascular disease risk by more than 80% -

a figure that trumps even statin drugs (Lipitor, etc.) known to reduce

the relative risk of cardiovascular disease risk by only 30-35%. Heart

disease symptoms are equally affected; the Lifestyle Heart Trial

conducted by Dr. Dean Ornish found a 91% reduction in the

frequency of chest pain through lifestyle changes alone.

This really helps motivate me to take control of my diet and exercise. If you are thinking that you don't have heart problems and don't think this applies to you, let me plead with you to not only consider that you might be at risk for DEVELOPING heart problems or perhaps any other ailments in your life. So often we are looking for a pill or easy solution when what we really need to do is buckle down and change our lives. I realize life changes are difficult and sometimes happen slowly, but it is amazing what you can accomplish one day at a time, especially with prayer for strength.

Loss of my heart failure friends has led me to often ask God why He chose to heal me. I imagine that I will never know the answer to that question, but I will continue to make the most of the life I have left. Also, I believe a huge factor in my healing was the ability to make lifestyle changes. Thanks to my husband, parents, family, and friends we immediately began eating low-sodium, exercising each day, eliminating stress, taking my meds regularly, monitoring my vitals each day, and seeing all my doctors regularly. It's a tall order, but again, with daily prayer and determination, God will help you make those changes... and I'll be happy to do what I can to encourage you as well. Make a change in your life and make it better. There is no time like today.

Happy Happy Happy

All my life I have been told to be happy and have fun. Always wear a smile, you might brighten some one's day. That each day is what you make of it, so be positive.

Well, there are days when you just don't feel like it, right?

Many of you know that I have been attending a support group at the hospital for people with heart pumps or heart transplants. These people have become my dear friends who understand what we are going through and are trying to make it through themselves. One of our group members (at 24 years old) passed away this week, one had to get a breathing tube put in, one went blind in one eye from an infection that is also in her heart, one is receiving multiple units of blood because he is bleeding internally, and several of our support persons are sick and discouraged (not to mention that I had to have a tooth pulled yesterday as well). And it is just one of those weeks where everyone is being hit hard and feeling discouraged.

Because of all of these hardships, I have been repeating over and over to myself that THIS IS THE DAY THAT THE LORD HAS MADE, I WILL REJOICE AND BE GLAD IN IT. And you know what, as soon as I do, it reminds me of all the blessings that are all around us. For instance, my friend that went blind in one eye was very discouraged, but because of her eye problem, they caught the infection in her heart. See, some times we don't see God working behind the scenes because we are discouraged by what is in front of us.

Therefore, my heart is actually uplifted amidst the storm because I know I have a peace that will carry me through all the storms. Some times, I just need reminding that He is still watching over us and has our best interests at heart.

Official Results

Sorry that it has been a little while since I have updated the blog. There have been several weeks of complications with my sternum from the surgery in September to remove my heart pump. It has landed me three surgeries in the past few months, several antibiotics with a corresponding severe reaction to each, two wounds that we are now dressing every day, and too many nights in the hospital.

Despite all this, I am so thankful to announce that my 6-month post-explant scan of my heart showed my ejection fraction at 40%. (Normal hearts function at 60% and heart failure is defined as anything less than 40%.) So, what I am saying is, I AM OFFICIALLY OUT OF HEART FAILURE!!!! Of course, I will always be treated as a heart failure patient and have to take the heart drugs. And also, my doctors will always be wary of how long I will stay at 40%. But as for me, I am just so thankful that God chose to bless me with this healing. Every day is such a blessing for me.

This weekend at church, a friend was singing about prayer and he pointed out that they had been praying for me for months, and I was so thankful that some times we can actually see how God answers our prayers. And I believe my healing is a direct result of that prayer. So thank you to each person who has prayed for my health; you are a part of the miracle!!

Minor Surgery... There is Such a Thing

Sorry this post is a little late getting out. Suffice it to say we were in a whirlwind the last few weeks and didn't get a chance to get this blog updated.

As you may remember, in September I had minor surgery to remove my disolvable stitches that my body was attacking. The wound from the surgery did not heal and a few weeks ago I had another scan, which revealed ANOTHER pocket of fluid. So, after another week and a half in the hospital and another minor surgery, I think I am finally on the mend!!

It's funny to say minor surgery because any time you go under the knife, the same emotions and fear hit you. But I have found that when I compared it to my open-heart surgeries, it was much easier to endure.

When you have an illness, after a while, you get tired of being sick all the time. You just want a little respite from it. But that's the nature of illness... there is no respite. There is never one second of any day when you don't have it. So, you learn to cope. I have been coping with these little setbacks by remembering how far I have come and how much worse it could be. :-) And I count my blessings daily.

Oh, and thanks to my fabulous anesthesiologist, I was the talk of the hospital after my surgery. (Apparently he added a little laughing gas to my concoction, which I responded to quite well.) And NO - there are no videos or pictures. :-) Guess I don't hold my anesthesia very well! LOL!!

Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers. My friends and family have been such a blessing through this time. Thank you for not making me do this on my own and for being such an upliftment in a dreary time.

Not-Transplant Birthday

01/11/10 was a day in our lives that we will never forget. After spending over a week in the hospital, I was preparing to be released at 9 am when the transplant team came into my room. They asked, "How'd you like to get a new heart today?" After having been told a transplant was my best chance at survival, but knowing it would entail literally having my heart cut out and a new one placed in me, I was overwhelmed.

It was a day fraught with every emotion imaginable. I was scared; I was angry; I was excited; I was scared; I was nervous; I was overwhelmed; I was scared; I was anxious; I was ... you get the picture.

There was some comfort that day in knowing one of my friends would be my anesthesiologist. There was also great comfort in the staff that had become my friends and a huge encouragement. But most of all, I found peace in the strength of my family and friends that gathered at the hospital with me to love me, encourage me, and to pray with me.

Most of you know that 11 hours later (after a crazy and hectic day) I was wheeled to surgery. I was at perfect peace knowing that if I didn't get up off the table, God would take care of my loved ones better than I could and that I would be in a better place. That kind of peace can only come from the assurance that whatever road God takes you down, you will willingly go.

It is difficult to think back about that day. And yet, I am so thankful for the blessings that came that day as well. For you see, when I awoke a few hours after being wheeled to surgery and learned that my own heart was healing and that I didn't need the transplant after all, I simply had to thank God for the gift. It felt to me that God had reached down through the pain that we had gone through and given us all a big hug. Words cannot describe the closeness and love that I felt to the Lord at that time. I don't know why He chose to heal me at that time, but I trust Him and thank Him for each day He has given me since.

So, a year later, I am sitting here feeling fairly healthy and counting the many blessings I have had in the past year. This holiday season was one that taught me how valuable each one of my loved ones are and how they affect everyone around them. How much light one life can bring to any relationship. How important each individual can be.

I truly hope that none of you have to lay on the operating table to receive a miracle, but I do wish that everyone could know what it is like to feel that you are so loved by God that He would do anything to let you know that He is always watching over you - even in your darkest hour.

One more thing - become an organ donor. Because although the thought of something happening to you is scary, it is inevitable and you may be able to give a very precious gift to someone else - LIFE!

Tears for Fears

Last week I was speaking with someone who has recently had a heart transplant. She has become near and dear to my heart. It was interesting though, every time I thought of her I was amazed by how much strength and wisdom she displayed despite what she was going through. Then when we were talking she was disclosing how painful and difficult the illness was and how she always felt she wanted to present herself as strong and courageous for those around her who love her and feel her pain. But she was tired and hurting. I TOTALLY understood. Some times when we are dealing with difficult situations and pain, we hide our true suffering - not because we don't want to appear weak, but to spare those we love from feeling our pain.

It made me think of all those around me who are daily dealing with all kinds of struggles and pains. And it made me realize that most people (those who aren't cry babies) will be masking their tears and fears. They will be trying to navigate their lives as best they can without putting added burdens on others.

The problem of course is that we need others - and most of all - we need God. So, the next time I get impatient with someone or angry that they aren't performing at their best, I will try to stop and realize that maybe they have tears and fears that are hidden from the world but very real to them. AND I will pray daily for the encouragement from God to make it through my own struggles and those of the people I love. (And that includes you!)