About Me

In March 2009 I was diagnosed with cardiomyopathy - Heart Failure. Within two months, it progressed to end-stage. In August 2009 I had a Left Ventricular Assist Device (LVAD) implanted to help my heart pump blood. Then in December I was placed on the heart transplant list. On January 11, 2010 a heart became available for me and I was taken to the operating room. While on the table, the surgeons found that my own heart had began to heal. I didn't get that transplant and subsequently had my LVAD removed in September 2010. Today, I have a new appreciation for life and am learning to take each day one step at a time.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Optimist or Realist?

A few weeks ago, our Mended Hearts chapter had a psychologist that came and spoke on "Keeping a Positive Outlook Throughout Heart Disease."  I was surprised when she showed statistical data that "optimists" had a 67% shorter hospital stay than normal patient. She submitted that optimism was a character trait that some people are gifted with and yet others have to work to attain the quality.

As I was listening, I began reflecting on myself and whether I am an "optimist." NOPE. But I like to think of myself as a "realist." Throughout my illness, I have always tried to prepare myself for the worst while thinking that if the best happens, that's great! In my mind, I felt pretty positive that my "realist" mental state was the best it could be and that by being an optimist, you are sort of sticking your head in the sand and ignoring how dire heart failure truly is. But then she continued...

She defined optimism as "ANTICIPATING THE BEST RESULT GIVEN THE CIRCUMSTANCES." She argued that you can't ignore the surrounding factors, but that you could CHOOSE to anticipate a good result. Hmmm.

She gave an example. When you are cut off in traffic, you have a response. Those of you like me (and I know most of my friends and family are) would shake a friendly fist at the guy while yelling under your breath. She pointed out that when you do this, your blood pressure rises, your heart rate increases, your mood changes, etc. She argued that if in our minds we could give the guy the benefit of the doubt, that maybe he has an emergency, maybe he has had a truly terrible day, or maybe he just made a mistake (like all of us have) that we can actually bring down our heart rate, our blood pressure, etc.

This got me thinking. Of course first there was a verse that came to mind that states, "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." Isaiah 4:8. I always interpreted this verse to mean that we should keep our mind focused on the good and not the bad. On love and not hate or revenge. On compliments and not insults. On hope and not despair. On blessings and not wants.

Next on my mind was the evidence that simply anticipating getting better and out of the hospital, actually made people better faster than those of us that were prepared to stay in the hospital as long as it took to get better. Hmmmm.

So, I am now trying to adjust my thinking slightly. To believe that my heart will continue to recover. To believe that my husband and I will have a long future together. To believe that we will see our dreams of travelling over seas fulfilled. That somehow and some day we will be able to expand our family. But most of all, that we will grow into the people that God has called us to be and that no matter our circumstances, we will serve Him.