Rough Week

Last night while visiting with a dear friend, my husband informed me that he doesn't think I am always open and honest about my feelings (physical and mental) with my friends and family. So, in an attempt to be honest, this past week has been very tough on me mentally. I have been struggling to find purpose in my daily activities, as I now have no responsibilities and nothing that I am required to do. Ray has reminded time and again that this should be my time of rest and that recovering and healing is my job right now. My dear friend pointed out last night that perhaps this mental struggle is actually a sign that I am starting to feel a little better and am missing the good parts of my old life. Albeit that there are reasons for my emotions (my mind has a list of things I would like to do but my body refuses), it is still quite tough when your world is turned upside down.

And then, in His awesome way, the Lord sent me this devotional last week:

"Perhaps tough times have turned your world upside down. Maybe it seems to you as if everything in your life has been rearranged. Or perhaps your relationships and your responsibilities have been permanently altered. If so, you may come face to face with the daunting task of finding new purpose for your life. And God is willing to help.

God has a plan for your life, and part of His plan may well be related to the tough times you're experiencing. After all, you've learned important, albeit hard earned, lessons. And you're certainly wiser today than you were yesterday. So your suffering carries with it great potential: the potential for intense personal growth and the potential to help others.

As you begin to reorganize your life, look for ways to use your experiences for the betterment of others. When you do, you can rest assured that the course of your recovery will depend upon how quickly you discover new people to help and new reasons to live. And as you move through and beyond your own particular tough times, be mindful of this fact: As a survivor, you will have countless opportunities to serve others. By serving others, you will bring glory to God and meaning to the hardships you've endured."

Can't you just hear God speaking those words to me?!? I love the way He has always taken care of me and that through every small and large battle I am facing, or you are facing, He cares and will shelter you under His wings!

Nephews

It has been an exciting few weeks out of the hospital. I have been able to spend quite a bit of time with my two new nephews:

We were also able to go see the Columbus Symphony last weekend. They showed the "Wizard of Oz" but took all the music out of the movie and played it themselves. It was really fun (and the steps weren't too bad).

Still feeling pretty well and so thankful for this time of rest before we go back to the hospital to get the pump out. Last weekend, Ray and I were able to minister with music again. We are so thankful to be able to praise our Lord again and to encourage others going through tough times. This weekend we are going back to our old church to thank them for their prayers and minister to them. If you or your church were praying for us this past year and would like for us to come and share a little of what God has done in our lives, please let me know. We want to bring as much glory to God's miracle as we can!!

Stories

Thank you all so much for the birthday wishes. I can truly say it was the best birthday of my life, because I made it to it. :-) There is an appreciation that comes with each day for me. I was just thinking how through my illness, there were several mornings I woke and had to tell myself, "This is the day that the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it." Now I wake up every morning rejoicing! ... Ok, maybe not EVERY morning. LOL!

Thank you to each of you who has shared my story. It is so awesome and humbling to be a part of God's blessing. As friends and family have visited and called, they have been telling me stories of how it touched their lives or how they found out, or that we knew someone in common. If you have a story to tell, I would LOVE to hear it. PLEASE leave a comment to this post (you can do it anonymously if you don't have an account) and let us all share the blessings together.

Thursday I have an appointment with the cardiologist. I believe she will be doubling my heart meds. It will make for a difficult weekend, but my body seems to be adjusting to the meds and I feel a little better every day. In fact, this weekend I was able to sit through a movie and yesterday my father-in-law had surgery, and I was able to sit at the hospital all day (well, at least I wasn't IN the hospital LOL).

Also, I have found a new excitement in my heart as my family keeps growing. Sunday I got to finally see my new nephew (my sister adopted a baby boy from China). Friday my sister will be having another little boy. And to top it off, we just found out that my little sister is expecting a little bundle later this year as well. You can't imagine my joy that I will get to share in their lives!

Home Sweet Home

It feels amazing to be back in my own home... and bed! :-) Yesterday we were finally released from the hospital. They have put me on a higher dose of the heart meds and turned my pump speed in hopes that my passing out episodes will be decreased. They are still not sure why I am passing out, but they are not too worried since I have a defibrilator in my chest that will "shock" me if anything goes too far. Is that supposed to make me feel better?? LOL

The excitement of God's miracle of healing has not lessened. Thank you to each of you who has told my story. All glory be to Him. We are so thankful and excited to see what He has in store for me. This is an excerpt from my reading this morning, " In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation. All power to him forever!" 1 Peter 5:10-11 Often times, the restoration comes in a spiritual and emotional form, but for me, He gave me physical restoration as well. I am so humbled by His gift and that I was able to be a part of His work. Of course, I wish the suffering wouldn't have been so tough, but you can't fault a girl for not wanting to be a hospital regular. LOL I love that God chose to heal me in a way that did not enable to doctors to take any credit. I wasn't on heart meds (beta blockers) and I had JUST had a heart test done a week prior to the not-transplant that said my heart function was 20%. I choose to believe God healed me on the table! How awesome is that!!!

Being home is great! And a little tiring. LOL Or it might be the new meds and pump speed that are wearing me out. Either way, I am going to try to get a ton of rest this week. However, my friends and little sister are taking me out this weekend for my birthday, my brother-in-law is bringing home my new nephew from China, and a dear friend is being baptized. It will be a little busy. But I will wear a smile because I am so thankful to be home and able to be a part of the many lives that have walked my struggle with me. I can't say thank you enough for how wonderful and dear to me each of you have been.

Rejoicing

"I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh." Ezekiel 11:19

There has been so much rejoicing and praising of God here in the hospital this week. By now you probably know that although we thought God was blessing us with the miracle of a heart transplant, He blessed us with so much more. Isn't it just like our loving God to take a miracle and make it so much better. I am so humbled to be a part of His amazing grace and mercy.

As you can imagine, the doctors and staff are stunned. Although they can't figure it out, I know whom I have believed in and am persuaded that He is able! My sister likened it to Jacob having to put Isaac on the altar and holding the knife before God stepped in and took away the sacrifice. He is so good.

As you can imagine, it has been a roller coaster of a ride. One that has forever changed our hearts and lives. We are also in awe of how bathed in prayers we have been and are certain that it is because of each one of your prayers that we have been healed!

So, the doctors' plans are to put me on heart medication (if you can believe it, I was not on any heart medicine because the cardiologist had told me there was no way that my heart would get better so there was no reason to take it). Then in a few weeks they are going to start turning down my pump and doing stress tests to see how my heart handles it. If all goes as well as they think it will, they are planning to take the pump out in about 6 weeks. It will be the first time at OSU that they will take OUT a pump!! So exciting.

It is so difficult to put into writing what we have been a part of. We are so humbled and excited. Thank you to everyone who has prayed and sent encouragement. We are rejoicing with you!

Tuesday Morning Update (from Ray)

Missy's extubated!!! Come one, come all - she's ready for visitors! :-)

HUGE UPDATE (from Ray)

The surgeon and anesthesiologist visited with the family about 1/2 hour ago, and had some amazing news. Before they even made an incision, the docs did a TEE (an echocardiogram from the esophagus) and virtually cut off all mechanical support, and her heart looks nearly normal!!! They're going to do some studies to see if they can wean her off the LVAD, then we'll see! The surgeon in charge said that her heart isn't "stone cold normal," but it's WAY better than it was 10 months ago!

This obviously means that no transplant occurred and no cutting occurred (other than a Swan catheter insertion). We'll talk to her when she wakes up and go from there. If the studies are positive, she'll have the LVAD removed!

Thank you for your prayers and support!!!